


My Future In Your Hands

by Jomarch05



Series: My Future In Your Hands [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-10 00:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jomarch05/pseuds/Jomarch05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quinn is a doctor trying to make up for all her past mistakes and Rachel has everything she's ever wanted but losing the one thing she needs. Starts with friendship and ends with love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Future In Your Hands

# My Future In Your Hands

# 

## You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall.

## Rainer Maria Rilke

## Quinn comes awake relatively quickly, a skill honed by years of practice. Her hand shoots to the side table and grabs the pager, silencing it before it wakes up her sleeping companion. She can feel his arm slung over her back and regrets the last three drinks she had consumed at the bar before accepting his invite back to his place.

## "Hhunnh, what's going on?" She hears him slur and winces at the fact that once again, she hasn't taken the time to remember his name before answering him.

## "It's the hospital. I have to go in. Um.." She trails off as she sits up, her back to him. She's not ashamed but she can still feel her cheeks tinge red as she tries to gather the sheet around her while trying to find all her clothes discarded from last night.

## "Quinn, will I see you again?" His voice is sweet and has just the right amount of uncertainty that she feels her heart melt a little. However, try as she might, she can't bridge the physical connection with an emotional one. Perhaps it's just her but all her relationships have never had a spark beyond the physical. She used to think it was just a matter of time. Time not spent at the hospital on 36 hour shifts or in bars after, trying to forget. She knows that her emotional connections with her patients won't be enough but at least it helps.

## "Charlie..you're a ..you're a good guy."Her voice is low and she sees his smile falter at her words and she's glad she at least got his name right.

## "And you just don't have the time or inclination to even just be friends?"

## She can hear the slight hurt in his voice and she takes the time to button her shirt before answering. "I..I have to go. I'll try and call you."Quinn knows it's a copout but her patients have always come first and she's perfected the art of compartmentalization so well that she's already talking to her service to see what medical emergency needs her attention, even before she can hear Charlie's reply. With double board certification by The American Board of Plastic Surgery and The American Board of Otolaryngology, she wondered which one of her specialties was needed tonight.

## #$#$#$

## Rachel takes her third bow before blowing her final kiss towards the audience and rushing back to her dressing room, the applause still ringing in her ears. Though she's always known that she's lived for the applause, she's come to realize that she loves to sing regardless and that's what scares her the most.

## "Hey, Rach, you were magnificent tonight. But you're magnificent every night." She feels Tony's hand around her waist and his breath as he whispers in her ear. "You want to come over to our place and watch I Love Lucy Reruns? Tina specifically asks me to tell you that you're not allowed to wallow." Tony Price, choreographer and Tina's husband followed her into her dressing room.

## "I am not wallowing." Her words lack conviction as her eyes fall on the plain manila folder on her table. She cannot grasp how something so innocuous could contain something that could silence her forever. Rachel knows she's prone to over-exaggeration. It's a pre-requisite for any diva but she wishes that for once it was just that, her penchant for drama magnifying a problem that was in effect not that serious. However with words like Lymphoma, vocal nodes, pre nodules and the rest of the medical jargon, she knows that she's actually at a stage where she's probably not reacting enough. Even Tina, her oldest friend from high school was worried so much so that she sent Tony back stage every night this week.

## "Hey, where did you go?" Tony's never been perceptive except with Tina and even then, it had taken the eight years they had been together to finally be able to read her moods. With Rachel, he never really had to as she would always, and he really meant always, tell him what she was feeling or thinking and more times than not, she would do it in song. The first time they met over ten years ago at an off, off, off Broadway open call, she had already told him of her life story and thirty year plan in the span it took them from their first cattle call on stage to being the last of a group of ten to remain at the end of the day. He had been the aspiring triple threat then, actor, singer and dancer only to be put to shame as soon as she stepped into the spotlight. Even then, barely twenty one, she had that poise that would earn her that first Tony when she was twenty three and her next two before she hit thirty. Her career taking off like a rocket, movie and TV roles and two albums as other awards piled up. Always using her voice to convey every emotion she could. It scared him to think that it could all vanish.

## She lets out a ragged sigh, not wanting to put voice to her greatest fear. Using her doctor's advice, for once, she just shakes her head as she walks towards the bathroom, hoping that her tears will not fall until she gets the shower running.

## "I'll wait for you."

## She nods at his words, comforted by the fact that he's not going to push. She knows that he and Tina will be there for her tomorrow if she asks them and she wonders if they will be enough to help her through her greatest fear. She had prayed so hard that the voice rehabilitation therapy would work until she finally had to face the truth. The appointment had been set for tomorrow, one of the top three Otolaryngologist in the country was working at New York Presbyterian Hospital and by some miracle, not only did her manager get her an appointment but she had also ensured that Rachel's name wasn't even used. No one would have to know that she was going to lose her voice, at least not yet. She can't even face it herself and wonders what she'll do when it finally occurs. It's been her one defining feature and without it, Rachel Berry really does not know who she is.

## #$#$#$#

## "You have got to be kidding me!" The exasperation in Quinn's voice is palpable as she places her hands on her hips, takes a deep breath before heading to the Chief's office. There had to be a good reason why two of her surgeries had been removed from the board. She does not want to jump to any conclusions but she knows that despite her accolades in her fields of expertise, she's still the youngest attending at New York Presbyterian and that meant sometimes being at the bottom of the food chain compared to the more established Attendings or Heads of Departments.

## "Chief Young, can I talk to you?" She can hear the slight confrontational tone in her voice and forces herself to take another deep breath before approaching the man standing next to the elevator. "Dr Fabray, Quinn, just the person I wanted to talk to as well." Alex Young despite his surname was in his mid fifties and had been chief for the past ten years. He was a Cardiothoracic surgeon and a legend with a scalpel. He was also the father than Quinn no longer had, at least for as long as she worked in the hospital, starting out as a lowly intern.

## "Chief, I know I've been here since two this morning but I took a nap in one of the on call rooms and I can handle an adenoidectomy and a tonsillectomy in my sleep so I cannot understand why they've been removed from the board." If she had her hair up in her old trademark ponytail, she was almost sure, she would have given it a flip for added emphasis.

## "They haven't been canceled as much as postponed." He holds up his hand proffering a file, silencing her next words as she takes it, her eyes questioning. "You've been requested on a special consult, the scans and partial anamnesis is in that folder, along with the clinical report from the patient's current personal physician."

## Quinn takes the file and flips through the pages absorbing specific pieces of information before asking her next question. "Why a special consult? It's relatively minor surgery. Just general anesthesia and a few snips that even a resident could perform it?" She does not see a name attached to the patient's history and reads through the report of the vocology therapy that the patient had undergone, finally realizing that all the treatments thus far pointed to surgery as a last resort.

## Alex sees the comprehension dawn on her face and marvels at how quickly she's put everything together. He almost does not want to ruin her mood but knows that she values honestly above all else. "The consult is special because it's offsite at a private clinic, address is in the file and because.."

## "He or she is someone famous." Quinn finishes the sentence.

## "One of the Hospital Trustees called in a favor. And before you ask, I don't know who it is. Just that it has to be kept secret and they really need the best." He's not flattering her because it's the truth. From an ENT perspective she is one of a handful considered brilliant in the field. The fact that she also passed the boards for Plastics and focused mainly on reconstructive surgery and not cosmetic surgery showed her dedication to improving the lives of her patients when they needed her most.

## "Fine. But you owe me and that means another free two hours use of the operating theater next month." She donates her time every now and then at a free clinic downtown but it was never nearly enough and usage of an operating theater would allow her to do so much more. She does not wait for Alex to answer and checks her watch as she turns to walk to her office and study the file. She does not like treating people who tend to feel that they warranted extra special treatment because they were famous or rich but she stands by the Hippocratic oath and knows that she'll at least be able to help Mrs Sanchez's daughter with her cleft palette next month.

## #$#$#$#

## "Please, come and sit down before you wear out the carpet." Tina's voice is the epitome of patience because she understands the immense fear that Rachel is experiencing. She can empathize even though her voice had never been in the same league as Rachel, it was still how she made a living. However, she knows that with Rachel, it was more than that and that was why the brunette was so scared.

## "You don't know what the doctor's going to say and worrying about it only leads to stress and possibly buying new shoes for you because you're wearing them out."

## Rachel opens her mouth to answer, only to snap it shut because she really does not know what to say. Tina was right but the problem was that when she was worried, she sang and talked and sometimes on occasion, shouted. All stress relieving activities that she could not partake of because the nodules on her vocal cords were getting worse and every time she sang on stage, she could feel her voice lose just a little of its luster. Both Tony and Tina swore that she sounded the same but she knew. She knew she didn't and eventually other people would know as well. She's facing Tina when she hears the door open and it's the expression on Tina's face that gives her pause. But it's when Tina says the name, that she feels like she's been hit by a two by four.

## "Quinn?"

## End Part 1


	2. You Can't Always Get What You Want

My Future In Your Hands 

You can't always get what you want  
But if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need....  
Rolling Stones

  
The drive uptown was relatively quick and Quinn spent it singing along softly to the random songs that emanated from her car's speakers. She really ever only did it when she was feeling nostalgic and would select the playlist of songs that defined her time in Glee Club. She even had the scratchy recordings of Regionals and Nationals performances but she still could never listen to those without a drink or five. She drives her Audi R8 into the underground parking space and finds a lot relatively quickly. The clinic was located on the sixth floor and it's only in the elevator that she wonders who the mystery patient actually is. The file in her hands gives her enough information to provide a clinical diagnosis but Quinn's always wanted to do more, to ensure that the quality of her patient's life was also not affected in her quest to cure.  
The chances of doing that here was slim if best because if the person in the file really needed their voice as it was before, then all she would be confirming was that the prognosis was not good. 

However, she knows that she'll not stop there because she needed to do her best for her patients and offer as much of herself that she could. The clinic is all steel and glass and Quinn can't help but shiver, hoping that the rooms inside were a bit more welcoming because she didn't have the best of news to deliver. The woman before her was short, brunette and her mannerisms reminder her of...She shut that train of thought off as quickly as it germinated, not wanting to address something she could not fix. 

"You're Dr Quinn Fabray? The ENT Specialist? I'm Marcie O' Brien, I'm her manager and I just wanted to say thank you for coming on such short notice and I need you to sign this before you meet her." The rapid fire speech pattern and hand movements were so Rachel that all Quinn can do is to nod as she takes the paper thrust out at her.

She glances at the paper and shakes her head. "I am bound by Doctor Patient confidentiality so this is unnecessary. " She can feel a small headache forming behind her right eye and she knows her voice is too curt. "I'm a doctor and I know that your client is probably scared and wants to protect her privacy. I'm here to help and not to sell more newspapers or get my face on TV. If that's not good enough, I think you will need to find another doctor." Quinn arches her eyebrow, as she stares down at the smaller woman. Truth be told, she wants her to say no because all this is getting too much and she's almost sure, she's not going to want to meet with Marcie's client.

"Ok, she's in the room third door on the right." Before she can finish, she sees Dr Fabray square her shoulders and stride forward. Marcie had wanted a bit more time to brief her because Rachel was well, Rachel. She was a lot to take in but in the end it was worth it and she hoped that the young Doctor would take the time to actually see that. She knew that Rachel was frightened and it made her pricklier than usual but she also knew that all Rachel wanted to do was to sing.

#$#$#$

"Quinn?"

That name brings back so many memories, none of them good that Rachel has to steady herself as she places her hands on the back of the chair before her. Man Hands, Treasure Trail, Tranny, RuPaul, You make me sick, kill yourself... Words that hurt and still do, words that she never said out loud but echoed in her dreams and played on her fears; Words that she spent over ten years trying to forget despite knowing that they've been ingrained in her memory forever. Eventually the name calling and looks of contempt tapered off only to be replaced by cold indifference which surprisingly hurt just as much. Rachel had vowed to never let herself ever be so affected ever again and thought she had succeeded. At least until today. Ever since she got to New York, Rachel Berry never met a problem that she didn't tackle straight on. Today was a day of firsts as she does not turn around, instead looking to Tina, as one words falls from her lips.

"No."

#$#$#$

Quinn had opened the door, her neutral expression firmly in place, expecting to meet someone else, anyone else besides the two people currently occupying it. She recognizes Tina instantaneously despite the short asymmetrical haircut and the fashionable high end clothes. However, her attention is drawn to the woman whose back is to her. She had seen Rachel on TV countless of times and twice on stage, had flipped through magazines and driven passed billboards with her face on them. Every time, still feeling the twinge of guilt in the pit of her stomach that despite all she had done and said, the woman had achieved her dream. She had almost tried to get in touch once, four years ago, screwing up the courage to wait at the stage door, hoping to cram ten years worth of apologies into a three minute speech. Her words all carefully picked out. Only she had left before the door opened, realizing that she was doing it to assuage her own guilt, not taking into account if Rachel wanted it or even if she wanted to see Quinn. She takes a breath and sees Rachel's shoulder's tense, but she still does not turn around. The word is spoken so softly that Quinn thinks that it's just her imagination. It's fitting though because she knows that if she were in Rachel's shoes, it would be the first word of many, all highlighting the fact that she would want nothing to do with the woman who made her life hell in high school.

#$#$#$

Tina shoots up, as her arms encircle Rachel, just before the brunette's knees give way. She guides her to the sofa she had occupied only realizing her mistake when she hears Rachel's gasp as her eyes finally meets Quinn's. She sees Quinn step forward and she's surprised at the different emotions that play across the ex- cheerleader's face. She can see fear, give way to concern and finally the neutral expression she recognized when Quinn first opened the door. 

"Tina, I need to leave." She hears Rachel's hollow voice and feels her pull on her arm but cannot acquiesce because she's so pale and so unlike her Rachel that she finally acts, her snarl of words stopping Quinn dead in her tracks. "Get the fuck out." Tina turns without seeing if her words are enough to get rid of Quinn because Rachel's fingers dig into her forearm. But that's over-shadowed by the diva's harsh breaths as she descends into a panic attack. 

It's a scene she's never experienced since high school and even then, it was only the one time when Dave Karofsky had gone a bit too far with Rachel, only stopping when Puck had pulled him off her and flung him against the lockers. Then, Rachel had curled into a ball on the hallway floor, hyperventilating until she had passed out.

"Guide her head down, get her to do her breathing exercise, you know, the one she does before she sings. I'll wait outside." Quinn's voice is soft, her instructions clear and concise as she swiftly removes herself from the room, knowing that even if Rachel did everything she said, it was her presence that was the main trigger for Rachel's condition.

#$#$#$

"That was quick." Marcie's anxious voice cuts across Quinn's haze as she softly closes the door, before sagging against it. She closes her eyes briefly as she hears Alex's voice in her head, "you're a doctor now, so straighten up, project calm and confidence because patients don't know your MCat scores or if you graduated top of your class or barely made it through, all they know is what they see and you can't get them to do what you want unless they trust you."  


"I am the last person Rachel Berry expected to see and I'm sorry for that. You need to go in and ensure she's fine. I can give you a written consult based on information from her file. I'll send it here first thing tomorrow morning" Quinn's not surprised that her voice is modulated and without a hint of uncertainty as she straightens her back, her head held high. Hiding your emotions and ignoring them were a Fabray tradition, the only thing her mother ever taught her.

I..I don't understand. Why is Rachel not fine? She hates crying in front of any of us. What did you do?" Marcie can hear the soft sobs coming from the closed room and even though she wants to go to Rachel, she needs to understand why the young doctor in front of her, the one possible person who could save Rachel's voice has also suddenly become the cause of her grief.  
The answers are on the tip of Quinn's tongue, "I made her life hell.", " I called her horrible names because I needed to feel superior", "I was a bitch and took every opportunity to prove it to Rachel." Each statement correct individually and accurate overall. "Trust me. She won't want me to be her doctor."

"If she does, will you reconsider?" The question throws Quinn, not because she's not sure of her answer but because she doesn't even think that it's a possibility. 

"Yes, but..."

Marcie cuts her off again, her quick words so like Rachel that Quinn has to blink to confirm that it's not her. "Dr Young said you were the best and Mr. Llewellyn, yes, the Chairman of the Board of Trustees recommended you. They said you cared, that you took all available measures to protect your patient, that you treated the patient as well as the disease and that's what she needs." Her voice thick with tears now as she stares at Dr Fabray, before blinking them back. The young doctor could only nod, encouraging her to continue.

"We've sent her file to so many doctors. Some insisted on knowing who they were consulting for, others just gave cursory input, confirming the worse without even understanding the impact of their so called diagnosis. We need someone who cares. She needs someone who cares." She wipes her tears before entering the room, hoping that she can convince Rachel because a world without the voice of Rachel Berry was a world incomplete.

#$#$#$#

She can hear the blood rushing through her ears and Tina's distant harsh voice but all she feels is numb. The encounter sending her so off kilter that she's transported back to a time she'd tried so hard to forget. 

"Why don't you like me, Quinn?" The question takes all of her courage but she hopes in knowing the answer, she can change the trajectory of their paths. Only Quinn never did answer the question, the cold liquid corn syrup drenching her being the only response the blond deemed she deserved.

"She's gone. Just breathe in and out, ok. I've got you and when Marcie comes in we can see where the doctor is or we can just get you home. Whatever you need." Tina's voice is so soothing that Rachel finally feels the warmth of her arm as she relaxes her grip on it. 

She feels the wetness on her cheek and realizes she's been crying but isn't really surprised. "Going home sounds good but..I need to do this. I've tried to hide from it and we both know this is the one thing I can't run away from." She looks up, dreading the sound of the door opening but exhaling when she sees that it's her manager. 

"I'm fine" Marcie's raised eyebrows causing her to restate her case, "I'll be better but it does not detract from the fact that I still need to get my consult, from the Specialist you and Mr. Llewellyn so kindly arranged for, regardless of how I feel emotionally. So please tell me the doctor's outside."

"The doctor's name is Quinn Fabray. Do you still want to go through with this?" Marcie sees her words hit Rachel like projectiles but miraculously, she does not fall instead, her eyes shut as her fingers again curl tightly around Tina's arm. 

"She's still there? She..She still wants to do the consult?" She sees Marcie nod her head. Rachel's never believed in karma because she'd witnessed so many wrongs that had never been made right but she has to think that she's the one who's different now. That she's stronger than that sixteen year old girl in Lima and because of that, she can face Quinn and whatever she would throw at her. Hell, she needed someone who would tell her the truth about her condition and not worry about her feelings and the Quinn she knew would do that with relish. 

"Ok" 

End Part 2  



	3. Keep Holding On

**My Future In Your Hands**

_**There's**_ _ **nothing you can say, nothing you can do  
there's no other way when it comes to the truth so keep holding on**_

_**Avril Lavinge**_

Quinn stares at the door, willing it to open but dreading it all the same because she knows that whatever decision Rachel makes will affect her whole lot more than it will affect Quinn. When it does finally open, it does surprise her that Marcie steps aside, allowing her room to enter, should she actually have the courage to do so.

She sees Tina staring at her, a guarded expression on her face. Her eyes finally meeting Rachel's and it's only when she sees Rachel nod imperceptibly, does she enter.

She walks towards the couch and takes the sole chair facing it as Marcie and Tina sit on Rachel's either side, a protective gesture made all the more obvious when Tina angles her body as if to block Quinn's direct line to Rachel.

She knows she does not need to introduce herself but what she does need to do is show that she's here to help and her skills as a doctor has to outweigh any reservations Rachel or Tina has about her past sins. "I went to Harvard and then to John Hopkins. I was accepted into the Intern program at New York Presbyterian and after a few years found what I wanted to specialize in. I'm an Attending there now double boarded in ENT and Plastics. I've done research on subepithelial microflap resection focusing on isolating the lesions while preserving.." her voice trails off as she sees Rachel's eye widen with fear and realizing she's made a rookie mistake of using too much medical jargon.

"I'm researching surgical techniques for nodule removal that can improve post operation recovery but surgery is the last choice and 95% of the time, it's not needed because there are other therapies that work and other avenues to explore. I'll go over your file with you and highlight some things I've discovered and then we can discuss what you want to do next."

It all feels so surreal to Rachel that she pinches the inside of her arm and the pain she feels actually indicates that Quinn Fabray, is really sitting before her, offering to help her, possibly cure her and all she can think of is when she'll hear the sneer in her voice or feel the cold splash of liquid hitting her in the face. She sees Quinn look expectantly at her and knows it's her turn to speak.

"I..I've tried.."Her voice trailing off as she feels her throat convulse involuntarily. Rachel can see Quinn staring straight at her and it takes all of her will power not to look away because she's Rachel Berry. She accepted her first Tony with a five minute speech that got her a standing ovation and not a dry eye in the audience. She's put up with megalomaniacal Directors, diva-offs with other lesser voiced singers and a bad public break up with her last serious boyfriend. "I've tried all the therapies and techniques. Drank tonics and herbal mixes that made me pee blue for a month."

Her eyes are averted now, not wanting to look at Quinn as she continues, putting voice to her fear at last, "I've breathed differently, talked at a different pitch, changed my diet, and held my head at an angle that seriously was not conducive to much of anything. And nothing's helped."

"Have you tried not talking?" Quinn wants to temper the question with a smile but realizes that it will be taken the wrong way when both Tina and Marcie turn to glare at her. Tina's hand now protectively held around Rachel's waist "To give your vocal cords time to heal. Sometimes it's really all it takes. I would however recommend an indirect laryngoscopy, just to make sure that the cells are not cancerous." She sees Rachel's eyes go wide as she shakes her head.

"Don't worry Rachel, It's not invasive." The name rolls off her tongue like she's always used it only she sees Rachel's face as the diva remembers that in truth, she's only used her name a handful of times and even then, only in contempt. "I'm..um.. I.."She's floundering as she sees Rachel stare back at her, her eyes unblinking, a look of disbelief on her face.

It takes all her willpower to not walk away as she addresses Marcie, "Does Ms Berry's contract allow her to take medical rest. Three weeks would be good but nothing shorter than fifteen days?" She takes out a notepad and scribbles on it, trying not to wince when Rachel answers instead.

"Yes, it does but I've never use it because I've never been that sick." Her work ethic has always been a source of pride for her and it rankled that Quinn expected her to just stop working. "So you can't just waltz in here and expect me to do everything you say, you're here to give me a diagnosis, an opinion, one of many and just because you're a doctor now, it does not give you any power to tell me what to do, to tell me how to live my life. You don't get to have any power over me." She's breathing hard, her voice harsh but losing steam at the end as she sees that as always, her words have no effect on Quinn Fabray.

She feels her heart rate pick up as she grinds her molars down, schooling her features to ensure that she does not react because she's not the patient here and Rachel's words are only fair. This cannot be about her even though she wants to apologize, to explain that she's suffered for it too. That she's tried her best to make up for every bad word and every bad thing, real or imagined that she had done. "It's the one therapy you haven't tried so please consider it. This is a prescription for a steroid inhaler just in case and I'll see you in two days at the hospital." She gives the paper to Marcie and stands up, her hands in her pockets as she says a soft goodbye, only registering Marcie's response back before she swiftly makes her way out of the clinic.

#$#$#$

"Say something" Rachel's been silent the entire ride back to her apartment that Tina's almost sure that she's not recovered from seeing Quinn, despite her words at the end. "Or don't say anything because maybe you should take the advice." Tina's voice goes soft as she waits, hoping for the Rachel to react.

"I'd hoped she'd be fat." The words eliciting a laugh from Tina and a sigh of relief and it makes Rachel smile. She had people who loved her and cared about her, Her life was so close to her thirty year plan that she always thought that all her trials and tribulations in high school was necessary to get to this point. She can trace each action taken in reaction to each experience good and bad leading her to her dreams. She would give anything to continue on her chosen path but she knows deep down that it may really be out of her reach. She's played Maria winning her first Tony for the West Side Story Revival. She won her third with Oklahoma and knows that there's already talk of an Evita Revival because Sir Andrew Lloyd's Webber wanted one last big production under his belt.

She can hear Marcie on the phone with Mr. Llewellyn, trying to get more information about Dr Quinn Fabray. It shouldn't surprise her that if she managed to make her dreams come true, Quinn would also succeed in her own way. She had clawed her way back to the top after Beth's adoption and never really looked back, ruling the school until graduation.

"Ok, I'll tell her. Thanks." Marcie hangs up and stands before Rachel, trying to gauge her mood, not wanting to broach the subject and cause her to cry again but knowing that she owes it to Rachel to always look out for her. "She's really that good, top of her class at John Hopkins and she's won something called a Lasker award for clinical research. It's like the medical equivalent of a Tony award. He says he trusts her with his life and she saved his granddaughter's ear and hearing when she got into an accident."

Again, Rachel cannot reconcile the Quinn she knew with the information she's receiving or her encounter earlier in the day. "So you think I should take her advice?" She's never sounded more unsure and it breaks Tina's heart to see Rachel flounder but she knows it's her duty to be honest.

"Yeah, yeah, I think you do. At least until we can find another doctor, I think you owe it to yourself to do everything you can." She sees Rachel nod and prays silently that she's right about this because she knows how much Rachel had been affected by Quinn in high school.

#$#$#$

"Come on, don't do his. Come on Josh, please." Quinn's speaking out loud, her entire being focused on the little boy on the operating table before her. He's been under her knife twice and she's always managed to get him through it. She can hear the monitors beeping and the nurses and pediatric surgeon move around her, trying to assist but she knows it's up to her as she tries to bring him back.

"Come on, sweetie, please don't give up. Please." Her voice takes on a pleading tone but it does not really register as she continues to stem the flow of blood from the little boy, only each time she thinks she's stopped it, another vessel ruptures. She does not give up though, ignoring all the noise and even shouting at Dr Evans when he finally steps back, as if he's given up. "No, you do not get to give up."

She can hear the flatline on the monitor but cannot force herself to stop as she continues to stem the blood flow even though she can see that it's not pumping out any longer.

"Do you want me to call it?" She hears the question and swallows, her throat suddenly dry. It would be so easy to pass the task onto Dr Evans but she can't shirk away from this, just like she won't leave it to him to talk to Josh's parents either.

"Time of death 3.23pm." Her voice does not waver and she nods at Evans before turning to leave the operating theatre. She strips off her surgical gown and gloves and walks towards the family waiting area. She sees Josh's parents and hates the fact that at that exact second, they realized all at once that their son was no longer with them. Despite trying her best, she just was not good enough to save him.

"I'm so sorry. He was so brave but the growth was to invasive and …he was so brave." She can feel the tears forming and blinks them back because it's not her place to grieve at least not yet. "You can see him…if you want. I'll get him ready." Her voice breaks on the last word and she bows her head waiting for the well deserved wrath to descend upon her.

She's surprised then when the mother pulls her into a hug but she still does not cry.

#$#$#$

Rachel looks at her watch and hurries down the corridor, her hat pull low and still wearing her sunglasses. She had finally decided to come alone, not wanting to call attention to herself and needing to take responsibility for her condition. She had called the theatre and taken the medical leave and in a couple of hours or so, she'd find out how serious her condition really was.

Marcie and Tina both had wanted to accompany her but she also needed to prove that she was strong enough to face Quinn because if she couldn't even do that, then what chance would she have with facing the possibility of losing her voice.

She sees the office number as scribbled on Quinn's note and she knocks on the door but does not hear anything so she enters. The room is bright and there are pictures on the wall, at first she thinks that they are generic ones only to recognize scenes from her childhood, the old church down the road from her house and several of McKinley High interspersed with scenes of New York.

She wants to look at them but is distracted when she hears a sound intimately familiar yet completely unexpected. Like the pictures, it transports her back to high school, time spent hiding in the girls bathroom, crying her eyes out.

She looks around and finally pinpoints the sound as coming from the inside room. It's raw and personal and Rachel feels like she's intruding even though she hasn't really done anything. It reminds her that despite her own problems, there may be other people who hurt more than she did and it finally spurs her to act as she knocks softly before opening the door, prepared to offer comfort if she could.

"Can I…." Her voice trails off as she sees Quinn Fabray head in her hands as she leaned against the far wall, sobs ripping through her body. She sees Quinn's head rise and their eyes lock.

**End Part 3**


	4. The Only Exception

**My Future In Your Hands**

" _ **You are the only exception; you are the only exception…."**_

_**Paramore** _

"I ..I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude..I'll um …" Rachel suddenly feels embarrassed as she turns her head away, when she sees Quinn's face tinge further red. Seeing Quinn this way was shocking not only because she never expected Ice Quinn to be so emotional but also because she felt like she needed to do something, offer comfort of some sort even if she knew deep down, it would not be accepted.

"I need a minute, please, just give me a minute, I …" Quinn's taken by surprise at the intrusion, never expecting it to be Rachel as she takes a deep breath and pleads for time. She swallows her fear because she cannot appear vulnerable, especially not to a patient, especially not to Rachel. She's done this countless of times before, picked herself up and moved on, not expecting help or consolation and this time, it's no different.

Rachel's and Quinn's voices overlap, each trying to gauge the situation they've found themselves in. Quinn reacts first as she pushes herself forward, her arm swiping at her tears as she walks towards her desk, head kept low, not wanting to look at Rachel Berry until she's able to compose herself. "Just go through to the door on your right. I'll call one of the Residents to start with the cursory exam and I'll be there to do the laryngoscopy." She prays silently that for once, Rachel will listen but as usual, the diminutive star does not.

"If..if you want to reschedule, it's ok, I can come back." Rachel had only seen Quinn cry once in High School and it was after news of her pregnancy broke. Even then, the cheerleader had done so after Glee practice, holding back her tears as best she could throughout until the very end. She had pushed away any offer for help even then and eventually ran to her car. Vulnerability was an anathema to the blonde and Rachel always felt that her own naked show of emotions made Quinn uncomfortable and was one of the reasons she had been her target.

Quinn hands curl around the edge of her desk, her knuckles white as she forces all her emotions down, pushing all thoughts away in her mind, as she focuses on the issue at hand "Please just go to the room and I'll arrange for everything." She can hear the plea in her voice as she bites her inner lip, nearly drawing blood. She cannot afford to show emotion, she's not the patient here and should not draw attention to herself. She hears Rachel's soft ok and releases the breath she had been holding.

She quickly calls for one of her residents before grabbing Rachel's file and going over the simple procedure in her head. She holds the file like a talisman, focusing on it instead of Josh's death. Rachel's her patient now or at least is currently in her care and she needed to do her best and hoped that it would be enough.

#$#$#$

"I am such a big fan and I know I've said that a few times but it's so true. And I think you were robbed of that Emmy. There's no way Miley Cyrus is a better actress than you." The young doctor examining her had not stopped talking since she entered the room and Rachel did not have the heart to stop her. Anyway the constant chatter was a welcome distraction from her own problems.

"I can't believe Dr Fabray remembered. I mean I know she's brilliant and really nice but this is so amazing." Dr Lee had nearly said no when Dr Fabray had called to ask her to do the topical examination but was so glad she hadn't.

"Remembered what?"

"That I'm a big fan. I mean I only told her when I saw she had tickets to your show a few years back and she never said anything or I thought she didn't hear me, you know."

Before Rachel could probe further, she sees the door open and Quinn enter the room and she almost does a double take because Quinn looks so put together that the breakdown earlier seemed even more unlikely. However, Rachel's been in the business for so long that she can see the newly applied make up and the eye drops that still could not cover the puffiness around Quinn's brown eyes.

"Dr Lee can you please present patient's history and your findings so far." Quinn does not look at Rachel, instead focusing on her resident and the symptoms being described.

"Ms Berry has soreness in her throat, slight voice change according to her. Her mouth is sometimes numb and she's been tired the past few months but her schedule has been packed." The resident smiles and shakes her head at Rachel as if does not approve of Rachel's packed schedule. "She also has slightly swollen glands which is endemic of professional singers sometimes."

Quinn bites her lower lip, a habit since high school as her mind puts together a diagnosis that she does not like. She knows she needs to be certain though as she prepares the mirrors for a closer look. She can see Rachel staring at her from the corner of her eye but she's determined not to look at Rachel until she can be sure that she won't see any sympathy in her eyes.

The examination goes by relatively quickly as Quinn expertly sets up her equipment, maneuvering the mirrors and the scope to get the view she needed. She feels Rachel's throat convulse under her fingers and she tries her best not to show any expression when she notes that the nodules have grown bigger than was indicated in Rachel's scans. They had grown much faster than normal nodes which did not bode well. She cannot control Dr Lee though as the woman's eyes widen as Rachel looks on.

"Rachel, it's going to be over soon and I'll go over next steps with you." She finally looks at the brunette, as she removes the last of the scope. Her hands slowly feeling the sides of Rachel's neck taking note of the slight swelling as her eyes meet Rachel's wide ones.

She had seen Dr Lee's expression and intuitively knows that it can't be good news. Coupled with the heat from Quinn's hands on her neck and her detached voice just made it feel all too real that she was really going to lose her voice. She always knew that it was a possibility when she first felt unwell but it never felt real until now.

Rachel had always been brave with her emotions, never hiding them away, never thinking that they made her weak. Instead she used them to fuel her, throughout school and even when she faced rejection starting out in her career, the tears and anger made her want to do better except here, now, when she looked at Quinn, all she felt was fear. Mind numbing fear which paralyzed her and made her want to ignore her predicament and latch on to something else.

What she needs is for Quinn to be mean to her, to take on her past role because this new reality meant that she was really here and facing the possibility of not singing again. She does not know much about this new Quinn but she does remember that Quinn never liked to show weakness in front of anyone and there were no exceptions. Her voice is hoarse but the words are clear."Why were you crying in your office?"

She sees Quinn's jaw harden at her words but she needs to try and get some semblance of control back in her life even if it came at the expense of pushing Quinn into her old role. She trusts her memories of the old Quinn and cannot accept her new persona.

"That's really not relevant here, you need to.." Quinn can see that she's afraid but her words are cut off as Rachel continues.

"You don't know what I need so don't presume anything. What I need if to have this be a nightmare that I can wake up from. " Rachel sees Quinn wince at her words but she pushes on, "What I need is to know that I'll be able to sing like always, that this soreness can be cured with rest and antibiotics. What I need is for you to promise me that everything will be fine. Only that's not really going to be the case is it?" Rachel turns to Dr Lee because the unexpected hurt she sees in Quinn's face is too much to bear.

"Dr. Lee, can you go and run the tests on the sample I took." Quinn's voice is curt as she hands the sample to the young resident. "Go. I'll finish up here and discuss next steps with Ms Berry." She urges, her voice taking on a kinder tone as she sees the young resident stuck under Rachel's unwavering gaze.

She waits until she hears the door close shut before she speaks, knowing that she has a choice to make and she cannot distance herself from this if she wanted to help Rachel and make up for all her past mistakes. "I…I was crying because I lost a patient today. His name is...was Joshua Gardner. Josh was six and he wanted to be a fireman. I've operated on him twice. Only I couldn't save him today. I just wasn't good enough to save him."

It's not the answer Rachel expects or to hear the emotion in Quinn's voice, low as if deep in thought. "I'm so sorry for everything I did and said to you in high school." The apology is also unexpected.

One of the first things Quinn learnt growing up was that promises always came with caveats, her father's promised love only if she didn't disappoint him. As an Intern she learnt never to make promises to patients or to families sick with worry. Because no matter how good she was, things happened that were beyond her control. However, right here, right now, all she wanted to do was to give her promise to Rachel.

"I know I've never given you a reason to trust me but I'm asking you to do that now and in return, I promise that I will do everything I can to make sure that we protect your voice. There's research still being done and alternative treatments. " She takes Rachel's hand in hers, trying to convey both her regret of their shared past but also a promise to be different in the future. It's a big burden to carry and she's scared she's not good enough but medical science was built on miracles and breakthroughs and she prays that Rachel as always, will be the exception.

Rachel's still afraid but the conviction in Quinn's voice jolts her out of her paralysis as she slowly nods when she feels Quinn's hand tighten around her own. "Do I still need to rest my voice? As you know, I'm relatively high maintenance and need to communicate often and express myself in order to ensure that I am in touch with my fans and I still have to do interviews and publicity for the show."

Quinn smiles for the first time since she entered the room, a genuine smile that matches Rachel's tentative one. "Yes, it's still good to rest it and I hear texting is making a comeback and you can always do print interviews. Take the break Rachel, and we'll wait for the tests results to come in. In the meantime, I will find alternative treatments."

"Ok, I'm off for the next two weeks and I guess you'll call when the results come in?" It's not an overt agreement of friendship but a start as Quinn takes down Rachel's phone number and gives hers in return.

"Yes, I'll call." Quinn walks towards the door, not even turning back when she hears Rachel's final words overlap with her own whispered ones.

"I'm sorry for hurting you before."

"I'm sorry about Joshua."

**The End**


	5. One

**My Future In Your Hands**

_**Well it's too late tonight** _

_**To drag the past out into the light** _

_**We're one, but we're not the same** _

_**U2** _

The minute Tony hears the key in the lock; he jumps off the couch and pulls the door open, words already tumbling out of his mouth before his wife can kiss him. "Thank God you're home. It's 10pm and she is driving me insane, this is the fourth list she's compiled. Four lists of things she wants to do in the next fifteen days, most of which she can't do and.." He sees Tina's eyes widen and his voice takes on a resigned tone. "She's behind me, isn't she?"

He feels the tap on his shoulder and turns around to see Rachel staring at him, her arms akimbo, and mouth open to say something before she realizes that she has taken a vow of silence and all that comes out is a huff of breath that still manages to indicate her utter frustration. Instead, she grabs for the pen hanging around her neck and looks around for a notepad, one of many scattered around her apartment. She scribbles the words quickly, tears off the note and hands it to him.

"I know it's not fun for you either." Tony' voice takes on a conciliatory tone as he reads the crumpled paper in his hand. "But it's only been two days and you can't keep writing lists of things you want to do." He quickly stops her hand from writing another note; "especially if a number of them involve using your voice."

Rachel's shoulders slump as she feels Tina guide her to the sofa to sit down, her head finally resting on Tina's shoulder. They were never that close in High School as Tina gravitated more to Mercedes and Kurt. It was only after graduation that they found themselves both accepted to Julliard without having to compete since Tina had chosen to major in dance. Helping each other through freshman year created a bond that was finally cemented when Rachel introduced Tina to her future husband.

"I know this is hard but you're Rachel Berry, you spent so much time training your voice, working your craft so you deserve a break. And you need to realize that this is just as important so we're here for you even if you revert to your diva stage" Tina sees Rachel reach for her pen and scribble another note, this time taking her time to write down each word before passing it to her.

"You're welcome and it's in the car." The words soothe Rachel as she lets out a soft sigh. Her note for Tina had not only thanked her and Tony for their love and support but also highlighted that she knew she could be a pain but despite everything, she appreciated what they were doing for her and she would try and relax although being Rachel Berry, that would possibly have to entail chocolate of some sort; which thankfully Tina thought of by her last comment.

She closes her eyes and sighs again, wishing that this was all one big bad dream and she'd come awake at any moment but she feels the dryness in her throat and acknowledges that the soreness she has been experiencing never really went away although it does feel a bit better.

She would never admit it out loud but perhaps Quinn was right and she needed to trust the doctor to do her job even though it was difficult not to remember the past. However Quinn was still surprising her when she received a text message yesterday morning and another today, informing her that she was working on alternatives and that Rachel could text her about any questions she had.

Rachel had been tempted to text back her thanks but it was still difficult to think of the Doctor Quinn Fabray as being different from Head Cheerleader, Quinn Fabray. In her mind, she still could not as yet distinguish between the two, deep down terrified by the fact that people don't always change, reverting back to their old selves.

It was unsettling to think of Quinn as her doctor and even more so as a friend of some kind. Thoughts like that in high school got her slushied almost every day and she does not think she can be that open again. Dredging up her past was not something she usually did but in this instance, it reminded her that she made it through stronger and she didn't have to be afraid of texting Quinn back.

' _Thanks for the text. So comfort chocolate is still ok? R'_

She's surprised to hear her phone chime a few minutes later and even more surprised when she sees it's another message from Quinn. She opens it to reveal the few words which elicits her first real smile of the whole day.

' _I know keeping silent is probably driving you crazy so indulge in some chocolates but no alcohol. I'm still working on those alternatives Good Night. Q'_

She finally looks up at Tina and smiles again realizing that she had changed and so had Tina so perhaps Quinn had as well.

#$#$#$#

The noise in the bar is still manageable and she's sitting at the far end of the bar, away from prying eyes and with enough privacy to take the call she is expecting.

Quinn finishes the drink in front of her and signals the bartender for another. She hates the fact that in this instance, there is no difference between her and Russell Fabray. That she's using alcohol for liquid courage as much as he would use it to just get through the day. She hears her phone ring and contemplates not answering it for once although, as always, she gives in because she knows who is calling her.

"Hello." Her voice is soft and her eyes close as she hears a similar greeting over the line. Shelby's voice sounds the same it did all those years ago and for the first time, Quinn recognizes the similarity in tone to Rachel's.

"How is she?" These monthly calls had started four years ago when out of the blue Quinn received a call from a Private Investigator hired by Shelby requesting if Quinn was amenable to a meeting with her. She had refused at first, not wanting to drag up memories of the past but in the end, she needed to know that Beth was alright, her mind thinking the worse. It hadn't been as dire as Beth's health but somehow, the little girl had been teased in school for not only having no father but also for being adopted and therefore unwanted. She had been called names and told not to go to church because she wouldn't be welcomed there. Beth had asked about her mother then, if she really hadn't been wanted and if she could go somewhere else besides church.

Quinn hadn't realized she had been crying until Shelby pointed it out. She hurt for the daughter she did not know but also felt the guilt of doing the exact same thing when she had been in school all those years ago. In the end, she had agreed to share some of her experiences with Shelby and hear about Beth's life such that if or when her daughter finally asked about her, Shelby could provide some information and maybe set up a meeting if Beth wanted it.

It was difficult to hear about first concerts, book reports and grades but Quinn always understood that she had made the correct choice and in taking the calls, she was just ensuring that she would be there if Beth ever needed her regardless of her feelings of loss.

"She's good, really, really good. She had her first solo in Glee Club this week. She picked Defying Gravity." Shelby's voice is tentative, like she wants to ask a question but cannot formulate the right words.

"Ok, so why don't you sound happy. Is she being teased again? With Carmel's reputation, I thought Glee club members are not at the bottom of the food chain." Despite her protestations in high school, glee had been the one bright spot for her and she hoped that it could link her to Beth.

"No, she really is doing well. It's just that she's growing up and I'm being over protective and I think I'm pushing her away. She asked about you again." Shelby hears Quinn's intake of breath. "She doesn't know I've been in touch but I think she'll want more information."

"She knows enough." The words roll off her tongue as her hands tighten around the glass before she takes another gulp and feels the burn of the alcohol down her throat. She had known that this was always an option but she's not sure if she's strong enough to do it.

"Quinn, I don't want her to meet you either." Shelby's frustration comes through, "But she's stubborn and smart and she'll find her own way. Just think about it. We're going to out to celebrate her solo. Tell me your answer next month." Shelby doesn't say good bye as she disconnects the call as well as the tentative link between the two mothers, only Quinn still doesn't know if she'll ever feel like one.

Quinn signals for another drink as she stares at her phone, slowly scrolling through the calls and texts she had made and received, finally stopping at Rachel's number used this morning. She hates to revisit her past, only doing so when she had no other choice. It had been a polarizing experience of highs and lows, of winning Nationals and giving up Beth, of becoming head cheerleader again and bullying Rachel on a daily basis. All experiences intertwined making her who she was today. Only she still isn't sure if she's good enough for Beth or to be Rachel's doctor.

She's so lost in thought that she doesn't notice him until he speaks. "Hey, fancy meeting you here." Charlie places his arm around her shoulder as he talks into her ear. "So does this count as calling me." He smiles at her, reminding her of their shared past before handing her his drink. "You look like you could us this more than me."

Quinn stares at the drink and the implied invitation, knowing that it'll be easy to accept and not have to think about Beth or Josh or Rachel. She could for one night try and do her best to forget. It wasn't like she was reverting to her old persona but just once; she wanted to not have guilt weigh her down.

Quinn smiles back at Charlie as she reaches for the drink only to hear her phone indicate a new message. She feels his arm tighten around her shoulder as he signals to the bartender for the bill. She's not sure why she feels the need to check the message but she does.

The question is simple and Quinn can picture Rachel aggravated by the need to stay silent and looking for any outlet. It sobers her enough to remember her promise to the brunette. She may still think that she needed to make up for her past and that she still was not good enough to save Josh or meet Beth, but the least she could do was to find the alternatives she promised Rachel.

She has no trouble disentangling herself from Charlie's grip as she types back a message before paying for her drinks much to Charlie's chagrin. "Quinn, I thought we were going to, you know..." He smiles is lopsided and he looks at her, wanting her to say yes, knowing she's worth it.

"Sorry Charlie, I really need to get some work done back at the hospital." She does not tell him that she'll call because she's not sure that she would but she also does not leave him hanging as she leans in and kisses him on the cheek. " You really are a nice guy and someday you'll make someone very happy."

She waves goodbye as she turns, still managing to hear his last words despite the noise in the bar.

"So will you."

**The End**


	6. Defying Gravity

**My Future in Your Hands**

**_Something has changed within me, something is not the same._ **

**_I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game…._ **

**_Wicked_ **

_She feels invisible which in hindsight, is probably a good thing although she misses the feel of being invincible. Walking the halls of McKinley High had always been about her ability to turn heads and to reinforce the fact that she was admired and feared in equal measure. Now it was about being under the radar, trying to get by each day without getting slushied or noticed. So many changes in her sixteen years that she can barely keep up. She's homeless and almost friendless; Brittany and Santana already bowing under Couch Sylvester's pressure to ostracize her. She does not want to admit that Glee practice is her one refuge, a place where she's accepted despite her pregnancy or the fact that in the past, she had bullied most of the members._

_The weight of the baby hangs low in her abdomen as her hands automatically curls around her stomach. She's aced enough of her AP science classes to know that the fetus is still too small for her to feel its movement although late at night in Finn's basement, she thinks she can feel it moving, if she concentrates hard enough._

_The assignment Mr. Schue had given them this week was to find a song that expressed their wish for their future and all she could come up with so far are songs filled with pain and despair. She knows that she has to stay optimistic, that her current predicament is temporary and soon, she can start her way to regaining her position in school._

_She wants to try and go through the song books kept in the practice room and hopes that by coming early; she will not run into anyone else._

_#$#$#$_

_Rachel knows Jacob is only interviewing her because he wants to kiss her or at least feel her up. Two things she's very sure she does not want to happen but he's promised her front page in the school newspaper and god knows Glee Club needs the publicity._

_He's sitting too close to her, their knees occasionally touching and all she can think of is that she wishes it were Finn or even Puck. "So what's your next question? I do have an extensive knowledge of show tunes and a great idea for our invitational set list if only Mr. Scheuster will listen to me and perhaps by your write up, I will be able to show him that the student body also supports my plans for Glee Club." She shifts uncomfortably when she feels Jacob's thigh press against her. "So, do you want my set list?"_

_"Listen Rachel, I'll print whatever you want but my readers demand more. They want the dirt, they want the sex, drugs and rock and roll behind all your glee…"Jacob places his hand on Rachel's knee._

_"There is no dirt. We're a team, brought together by our love of music and the need to win Regionals and then to take Nationals from Vocal Adrenaline." She still does not feel like part of the club despite her herculean efforts to fit in and make them winners. Even Kurt and Mercedes who were as low on the high school totem pole as she was, still felt that they were better. But she won't give Jacob any of this information, not about Tina's budding romance with Artie or Puck's need to hit on anything with a skirt especially after glee practice. She's definitely not going to tell him that she thinks Ms Pillsbury has more than a crush on Mr. Schue or that Quinn's been so sad lately._

_"There's always dirt. What about Quinn Fabray, from Ice Quinn to Quinn of the Outcasts. Don't you pity her or are you happy that there are more targets now for slushie facials?" Jacob's nasal voice grates but Rachel's smile does not falter as she tells herself that it's practice for her future when the interviews come rushing in. So she actually thinks about the question, as she repeats his words out loud._

_"Pity Quinn Fabray…"_

_#$#$#$#_

_She pushes open the door slowly, only to hear Rachel's clear voice, the words, flowing over her, causing her intake of breath as her anger rises up. Rachel Man Hands Berry had no right to pity her. She was still Quinn Fabray and despite everything, she did not want any pity because she was going to overcome all of it. She quickly turns and walks away not wanting to hear anymore of Rachel's words. Her head is down as she turns the corner and does not see Dave Karofsky until she bumps in to him._

_"Hey, watch it, bitc..." His voice is rough as his hands brush her off, the derogatory word dying on his lips when he sees that it's Quinn."Don't think I won't hit a pregnant lady." He sneers._

_"Why hit me when you can go after the girl who's telling everyone, and I quote, that you're bullying tendencies are a latent need to express your homosexual love for Azimio." She sees Dave's face turn red as she takes a step back only to have him grab her hand._

_"What? Who's saying that? It ain't true and I'm going to have a good time pounding that fact into… What's her name?"_

_"Rachel Berry."_

_#$#$#$_

_"Listen here Jacob Ben Israel, I don't pity Quinn. I think she's brave to stick to her convictions and her decision. It can't be easy to be her right now and you're not going to write about her and make it worse, got it." She can be intimidating if she tried and she knows Jacob is a push over. She just hopes that he won't ask her for anymore of her underwear._

_#$#$#$_

_Quinn begins to feel guilty at third period, not knowing if her hormones were causing her to behave so badly but she knows that she needs to stop whatever that's going to happen because she's mean but she's never been vindictive. It's a fine line but deep down, she knows there is a difference._

_"Puck." She sees Noah lean towards her, his eyes questioning._

_"What's up, baby mama. Need some Puckasuarus lovin..." He wiggles his eyebrows trying to make her smile. He hasn't seen a true blown Quinn smile in a week and he didn't like it._

_"Can you..." Quinn closes her eyes as she recalls Dave's face, "You need to help Rachel."_

_"What? What has Berry done now? And why do you care?" Noah Puckerman doesn't understand girls. He likes them and loves them on occasion but in general, he does not understand them always assuming that he does not need to because he was a stud and most of the time, talking was not required. So, he waits for Quinn to explain._

_"Karofsky's going to do something. Please just check up on her today. Please." She doesn't want to ask him for anything and she can see that he knows this is hard for her. So her relief at his nod is palpable such that she grabs his hand to pull him close and kisses him on his cheek._

_#$#$#$_

_It's only after last period that she hears the commotion in the hall. Someone being pushed against the lockers and a high pitch cry. She pushes past the students milling about, hoping that it's not Rachel although she can recognize her voice due to all those glee practices._

_She sees Santana standing there, holding Brittany back as she finally gets a view of what she had done. Dave Karofsky's pressing himself against Rachel as his hands hold hers down, his mouth whispering in her ear, as she squeezes her eyes shut, her face going pale._

_Brittany breaks free of Santana's grasp as Quinn steps forward, but it's Puck whose fastest as he grabs the back of Karofsky's jacket, hauling him off Rachel before flinging him across the hall."Get off her, you asshole."_

_Quinn wants to cry as she sees Rachel crumple to the ground, her breath coming out in harsh sobs as she curls on the floor, her head buried in her hands as she tries so hard to muffle her cries. She wants to do something but cannot bring herself to move. So she stands there like a sentinel as Tina and Brittany go to Rachel to comfort and hold her._

_#$#$#$#_

Rachel does not know how it turned into a ritual but the daily morning texts from Quinn and her subsequent replies had morphed into a dialogue of sorts. Twenty to thirty words or so back and forth, throughout the day. Updates on how her day was going; mostly little rants about day time television or the lack thereof and sometimes snippets of songs that would pop in her head. Classics and some new ones and definitely a lot of Broadway, some of which they had sung for glee club but most because she loved them and felt the need to share.

Quinn would answer back with the title almost immediately except when she was in surgery. In return, she would give Rachel words of encouragement in her continued vow of silence and snippets of her day; never bad news although Rachel with her sixth sense can feel when it does occur.

Eight days of getting to know Quinn only to have the illusion destroyed when she hears her phone ring. She recognizes the number as Quinn's and reality hits as she realizes that the only reason the doctor would call would be to give her the results of the test that was run. She feels Marcie's hand on her shoulder and grabs onto it like a life line before handing her the phone, her head bowed because she's ashamed of not having the strength to answer the phone and hear her prognosis.

Marcie sees Quinn's name on the phone and answers, "Hi Dr Fabray, yes, this is Marcie. Yeah, Rachel is with me, I'll um, put you on speaker." She sits next to her star as Rachel grabs her hand.

"Hi Rachel, I have the test results of your Fine Needle Aspiration biopsy I did." Quinn's sitting in her office, looking out the window, trying her best to sound normal even though she is anything but. She's done this so many times, giving bad news was part of her job and every time, she managed to do it without feeling so devastated. She's always been invested in all her patients but this was a new feeling. "I'm sorry but it is lymphoma."

She strains to hear the soft gasp in the background. "It's just stage one and you shouldn't need surgery. There's a myriad of research available for different treatments, both chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Rachel, remember my promise, please." She hears a muffled cry that fades. "Marcie?"

Rachel tries not to make a sound as she bites down on her fist, holding back the sob building up. Truth be told, she was expecting the worse but hearing it was still devastating. She hears Quinn's voice and her promise but her fear takes over as she collapses on the floor, trying not to make a sound as her sobs rip through her body.

"Marcie, is Rachel ok, tell me she's ok?" Quinn's voice is borderline frantic as she grips the phone in her hand.

Marcie cannot forget the first time she met Rachel. It was in a deli off Broadway. She was the PA to a second rate agent and Rachel was starring in an off, off, off Broadway production of Into the Woods. She had known even then that Rachel was special, different from the rest. Her drive and ambition tempered by her good heart. They had kept in touch and when Rachel got her first big break, she had asked Marcie to represent her. Rachel had been her first client, the first person to recognize that she was agent material. So seeing her like this, broken and sad, it hurt her physically. "She's not ok, please make her ok, please…."

Quinn feels her heart clench at Marcie's plea. She can hear the Rachel in the background and intrinsically knows that she has to do something. "Give me the address; I'll be there as soon as I can." She scribbles down the address, grabs what she can and runs out of her office, not even bothering to take off her white coat.

**End Pt 6**


	7. True Colors

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_You with the sad eyes, don't be discouraged_ **

**_Oh I realize it's hard to take courage,_ **

**_In a world full of people, You can lose sight of it all_ **

**_And Darkness still inside you, Makes you feel so small_ **

**_Show me a smile then, don't be unhappy._ **

**_Can't remember when I last saw you laughing_ **

**_If this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear_ **

**_You call me up….._ **

**_Cyndi Lauper_ **

Quinn rushes for the elevator, her car keys in one hand, and her phone in the other that she just misses bumping into Alex as he exits it.

"Whoa, hey, is everything alright?" He holds her arms steadying her as he looks at her face. She's always been able to project calmness, even shielding her eyes from expressing too much. It's a valuable trait for a doctor although he knows she feels strongly for each of her patients. He had made a choice early on in life that Medicine was it for him and never took the time to meet someone or have children. All his staff eventually taking on the role as his surrogate family.

When he first met Quinn, she had been so aloof and he had mistaken it for cockiness, for thinking that she thought she was above everyone in the program. He was proven wrong the same week when she worked tireless, learning as much as she could, talking to all the nurses more than the residents or attendings because she wanted to learn everything from ground up. She showed respect for everyone and most importantly, she always put her patients' first, even then. She pushed herself to do everything she could and took it personally when she couldn't save them. He's known her for so long that he can read the emotions in her eyes and right now, she was scared. She's the daughter he knew he would have wanted if he had chosen differently and he doesn't like to see her hurt. "Quinn, what's wrong?"

"I…I just gave someone some bad news and I don't think she's taking it well and I need to talk to her, get through to her somehow." She can still recall clearly hearing Rachel's muffled sobs and it hits too close to home because she's made the diva cry like that before. She does not know why she keeps hurting her but understands that she has the chance to make it different, to make a difference in their lives. "I'm sorry Chief, I know I have a full schedule but I need the time. I'll do a double shift tomorrow." Quinn looks up at Alex, hoping he'll understand and is glad to see him nod although he does not let her go as he still gently grips her arms.

"You're a good doctor." He sees her so clearly and he knows that she doesn't see herself that way, always thinking that she was not good enough, pushing herself to be better. "You're on your way to be a great doctor but you need to know that it's not always up to you, your patient needs to want it too." Alex sees the understanding in her hazel eyes as he steps aside to let her enter the elevator.

"Thanks, Chief, I'll see you tomorrow." Quinn wants to hug him but they're both reserved people, brought up in an environment where open emotions were frowned upon. So she settles by giving him a smile as she acknowledges his role in her life. She'll never be able to call him dad but she imbues the word Chief with enough sentiment that she can see he understands as he waves her off.

#$#$#$

Marcie O' Brien grew up with two brothers and an absent mother and the slight similarity with Rachel's own upbringing help cement their friendship way before their business relationship started. They bonded over the fact that not having a mother made them more self-sufficient but also lacking in that feminine influence that would have made life easier when they were younger. It would have possibly prevented Rachel's love of argyle or Marcie's unfortunate perm in tenth grade.

Right now though, she knows that if Rachel had a mom she could call, it would help because she needed comfort and protection and try and she might, Marcie was at a loss as to how to fix her. "Please, Rachel, please stop crying. I've called Tony and he's coming over. He just needs to pick Tina up from the studio. Please, sweetheart, please stop."

'Cancer' She keeps repeating the word in her mind, trying as much as she can not to make a sound because she was suppose to keep quiet. Resting her voice, protecting it and hoping that it would make her better, only, keeping silent really can't cure cancer. However, she still can't let her sobs escape because she wants to keep it all inside since she's not sure that she could stop if she let it out.

Rachel can hear Marcie's panicked voice and feel her hands trying to soothe her but she can't answer back because she's focused on the one word and cannot move beyond that. She covers her ears with her free hand, trying to block out everything and she does not hear the knock on the door.

#$#$#$

Quinn had left her car seven blocks down and taken the subway when she saw the snarl of traffic in front of her. All the while trying to think of what she wanted to tell Rachel. Intellectually, she knows that Rachel's outlook was actually quite good because her cancer was only at stage one and with the correct treatment, she had a great chance of being cured. Her voice could also be saved or at least protected if they choose the right drugs and focused the radiation only on the nodes.

It's a good plan but Quinn knows that Rachel's voice is precious and if she made the wrong recommendation with any of the meds, it could affect her voice. Alex's advice about Rachel needing to want it as well rings true but Quinn's unsure if she can convince her or even if she should.

She wanted so much to be the good person, the good doctor she knew she could be but she also did not want to do it at the expense of Rachel. She reaches Rachel's building in record time and still does not know what she's going to do or say but what she does know is that she has to at least try.

Rachel's apartment is on the top floor and its only when she reaches the green door does she pause and take a deep breath, finally realizing that she's here as more than Rachel's doctor and she'll have to start with that as she quickly knock on the door.

#$#$#$

Marcie yanks the door open, her words running together as she pulls the young doctor into the apartment and steers her to the living room. "Dr Fabray, she's unresponsive and she won't even look at me. She's always been so strong and it scares me to see her like this." There is so much love in her words that Quinn is taken aback.

The second she sees Rachel on the floor, she automatically goes into doctor mode, kneeling next to her, her hand taking Rachel's wrist to feel her pulse as she gently pries open her eyelid to check her pupil. She feels Rachel's reluctance as she tries to pull away.

"Hey, it's me, Quinn." Her voice is soft, placid, not wanting to startle Rachel but with enough assurance that she can see Rachel respond as her eyes blink open. "Hi." She smiles at Rachel, relieved to see react. "So, I'm going to help you up and get you something to drink. And then we're going to discuss your condition." She sees Rachel's eye clamp shut again but she does not let her shut down. "Hey, please don't do that. Rachel, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere until we go through what can be done. I'm not letting you give up even before you start."

Quinn puts her hand out, hoping that Rachel will take it. Wanting her to show that she was listening and would accept her help because Quinn needed to give it to her.

Rachel had been surprised when she felt Quinn's hands on her, not understanding why she was there in her apartment. She remembered Quinn's call and the falling apart but this was so unexpected. Unlike before, she had friends now, people she could trust, people who looked out for her and loved her not despite her flaws but because of them, because they made her Rachel Berry. Although never in a million years would she ever think that she would consider Quinn amongst them.

But here she was, helping her up, talking to her, comforting her and offering to help. It was surreal and at the same time seemed like a natural progression of some sort. Like they were different people now, molded by their past experiences into two people that somehow could relate to each other and not revert back to who they were before.

She looks up at Quinn and takes her hand, feeling the pull both physically and emotionally as Quinn fingers curl around her own, and supports her with her arm as she guides her to the sofa. Rachel finally sees Marcie standing next to them, wringing her hands and she offers her a small smile, wanting to convey that she's back although she's still not herself.

"Marcie, can you get Rachel some water?" Quinn takes out her stethoscope from her bag and rubs the chest piece, trying to dispel the cold. "I need to hear your heartbeat. You gave Marcie a bit of a fright just now." She does not reveal that she had been just as afraid when she heard Rachel's cry on the call and especially when she saw her lying there. It's such an unfamiliar emotion that she does not want to take the time to dissect it or understand it.

Rachel nods slowly as she leans forward, thankful that Quinn had warmed the chest piece and unsure of this new development. She cannot comprehend or explain how she has accepted Quinn into her life and when she stopped feeling like the blonde was going to say something mean or sneer at her, her face full of hate.

"Drink this." She sees Marcie's face, full of relief as she hands her the tall glass of water before sitting next to her and holding on to her hand. "Don't do that again, ok? I mean you do have a flair for the theatrical but I don't think my heart can take it." She's always loved Rachel even though she knows that Rachel won't ever reciprocate. It's always been enough knowing that they'll be friends and she'll always be there for her, as her manager. She just wished that Rachel would open up to someone because what she'll have to go through would not be easy for anyone and she does not want Rachel to go through it alone.

Her last serious relationship had been with a narcissistic actor, Troy Callen, more worried about his popularity that about their relationship. He had tried his best to steer Rachel away from her causes, not wanting to anger his conservative fan base with supporting LGBT community or her vegan lifestyle. It had taken his public condemnation of her fathers' right to adopt that made her finally realize that he didn't love her but just loved the fact that she was famous.

Breaking up with him was simple, but putting up with the rumors and lies he gave to the press, was another thing altogether. He had made her out to be selfish and called her integrity into question as well as her sexuality. However, Rachel never gave him the satisfaction of responding to any of his accusations. Only Marcie knew that she cried in private and because of it, she stopped dating or even looking because she could not handle the hurt.

"So Dr Fabray, what do we do now?" She feels Rachel's head lean on her shoulder as she asks the question.

"Rachel, you're in shock but you're ok so just eat right and rest. I'm getting an oncologist consult tomorrow but I won't share who you are as yet. Not until you approve. Then I'm going to get a second opinion from an ENT colleague of mine in LA. She's good and it'll give you more context to my diagnosis. This is not the end. You do have a fight in front of you but you're more than up for it because you're Rachel Gold Star Berry. I made a promise to you and I'm not going back on it. Just call me if you need anything. Ok?" Quinn sees the tears shimmering in Rachel's brown eyes and it makes her want to reach out but she won't let herself.

"Thank you." The words are so softly spoken, her first words in more than a week. She needs to say it though because she's done with hiding and ignoring the facts. She had support and she wasn't going to just give up. Not when she had people like Marcie and Tina in her corner. Most surprisingly of all, Quinn's words rang truest of all and she wanted to live up to them because she actually believed her.

**End Pt 7**


	8. Lean On Me

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_Lean on me, when you're not strong_ **

**_And I'll be your friend; I'll help you carry on._ **

**_For it won't be long, till I'm going to need_ **

**_Somebody to lean on._ **

**_Bill Withers_ **

The next seven weeks were extremely busy for Quinn as she carried a full load at the hospital and took on full responsibility for Rachel's treatments, researching well into the night as she called around the country checking up on new clinical trials. It was exhausting and she was bone tired but she loved what she did and seeing Rachel actually trust her and listen to her was an unbelievable feeling.

She rubs the back of her neck, stretching her arms to work out the kinks as she makes her way back to her office. She had one more call to make before going home for the first time in forty eight hours. Her surgery had been a success and it made her feel good that she managed to save a life today. Mr. Webber was going home with restored hearing and just in time to hear the cries of his first grandson. It was gratifying to be able to make a difference and she never took it for granted.

"Hey." Rachel had been waiting for an hour for Quinn to finish with her surgery. She had been in to talk to the oncologist, Dr. Drew, and get her dose of medication. She had expected to see Quinn there only to be told that she had been called away for an emergency surgery. She knew that Quinn didn't have to be at all her consults especially with other doctors but she tended to make the extra effort regardless. It meant something to Rachel to have her there and she wanted to convey her thanks but also do something for Quinn although she really wasn't sure what she could offer.

"Rachel, how did it go?" Quinn's pleasantly surprised to see her sitting in her outer office. She gives Rachel the once over, noting that she does look tired although it was good that she did not look as pale as she did last week. She looks around for Tina or Tony but doesn't see them. "Are you waiting for a ride, I could drive you?" She shifts uncomfortably as the crick in her neck causes her to grimace. She bends her arm behind her back, trying to reach the sore spot that the eight hour surgery had produced.

Rachel's still trying not to talk too much but she misses communicating and wants to have a real conversation instead of relying on texts and written messages. Her voice is soft as she notices Quinn's discomfort. "Dr Drew was very positive. He says that the chemo is working although I'm going to be feeling more of the side effects in the next few days. I just have to stay positive and think of the future." She had read up on all of them, from the fall in blood count to higher susceptibility of infections. She's more worried about hair loss and losing her sense of taste. Overall though, she does feel fatigued but she pushes herself anyway.

Quinn's surprised when Rachel guides her to the sofa and places her hands on the base of her neck slowly massaging the sore spot that she could not reach.

"You don't have to do that." She tries to get up, only to feel Rachel's firm hand on her shoulder.

"I know but you can't reach it and you look exhausted." She can feel the tenseness of Quinn's body slowly melt away as she lets out a soft sigh.

"You should be at home resting. I'll drive you, just give me a mi.."Quinn again tries to get up, only to be stopped by Rachel's raised voice.

"Don't." Rachel raises her voice, exasperated with Quinn. "Why do you do that?" She looks at the doctor who finally turns around, a questioning look on her face.

"Do what?" She doesn't want Rachel to shout as she places her hand on Rachel's arm. "I'm sorry, don't raise your voice, and just tell me what you mean."

It's difficult to explain that she needs to feel like she's helping as well. She doesn't like to feel powerless and know that she's been driven by something out of her control. These past few weeks have left her tired and irritable, barely able to use her voice for just about anything. "I need to do something. I want…I need to feel useful." Again, her voice goes soft because she's showing her vulnerability to someone, who in the past has used it against her. She knows now that Quinn has changed but she's not sure if she'll ever feel fully comfortable in her presence.

Rachel still cannot help but feel the soft flurry of worry in the pit of her stomach as she exposes more of herself to Quinn. The texts and written messages gave her some sort of protection, forced anonymity of sorts where she didn't have to look at Quinn. The messages back and forth allowing her to let her guard down somewhat. However, here in the office, sitting next to her, she feels unsettled, not perturbed but just different than sitting with Tina or Marcie or any of her other women friends.

Quinn slowly nods, understanding the pressure and apprehension Rachel is under. Her disease is slowly taking over her daily routine and she's worried that her life has irreparably changed to revolve around it. All her future plans falling by the wayside and she is probably feeling like her life is out of her control. All she really wants is to feel like she can do something else besides just going for her treatments. "So, if you could move a bit to your left, it would be a godsend." Quinn turns her back to Rachel as she moves her ponytail out of the way.

She cannot see Rachel's big smile but the massage is doing wonders for her mood and she relaxes into it. "Hmmmm, that really feels good. If you ever need another job." She realizes her mistake as soon as he words leave her mouth when she feels Rachel's hands still. "I..I didn't…"

"No, I took classes' years ago knowing that with all the dance training I put myself through, the least I could do was pamper myself with small massages. And Tina never complained either. I think she thought I should go professional right until the time I won my first Tony." Rachel sounds wistful as she reminisces about her past. A time when all she really had to worry about was a call back for an audition.

Quinn doesn't want to spoil Rachel's mood any further but she's invested in her cure and she need Rachel to know that. "Dr. Drew is the best and you need to take his advice. I'll look at the scans tomorrow and I have a call with Dr Bonner in LA. She has information on how we can use her new prototype computer program to simulate our expected treatment so that we can determine how successful it can be. And there's also proton therapy that I am reseaching." She feels Rachel's strong fingers kneading out the knots at the base of her neck as she goes over her plans for the next day. She tries to hide her sudden yawn when she realizes how tired she really is.

"When was the last time you slept?" It wasn't that Rachel didn't believe Quinn's words but she's beginning to realize that Quinn really was doing her all for her. She was pushing herself to keep her promise. It was a surprise but also a revelation.

"What time is it? I left my apartment Monday at around three." Quinn yawns again, this time not hiding it. "Ok, so we both need to rest. Come on, I'll drive you home." She reluctantly gets up, her tense shoulders already missing Rachel's magic fingers.

"Have you eaten?" It's the first question that pops into Rachel's mind because it did suddenly go blank the second Quinn moved away.

"Not for the past ten hours, have you?" She knows that Rachel's appetite would have decreased drastically because of the antiemetic drugs and the chemo. "We could go to Blossom." Tina had mentioned it two weeks ago when Rachel came in for her first round of chemo. It as one of Rachel's favourites and she had looked it up, knowing that sooner or later, Rachel would lose her appetite and it would be good to have food delivered that she enjoyed. However, she can see that today has taken its toll on Rachel and it would seem that she needed more than just vegan food. "Maybe not Blossom but definitely Cocoa V. I mean who can say no to vegan chocolate."

Each time, when she thinks she's done being surprised by Quinn, she discovers something else. "Why are you doing this?" She does not mean to ask it out loud but she can't understand why. Rachel does not want to sound ungrateful or to question Quinn's motives but she really wants to try and understand the woman before her because the Quinn she knew from school didn't seem to exist anymore.

It's not that she does not expect the question. Quinn had been anticipating it for some time but she still pauses before she answers wanting to put some weight behind her words. "Because it's the right thing to do after all the wrong things I've done." She grabs her leather jacket from the stand and shrugs as she looks at Rachel. "It's the best answer you're going to get because I am starving and I need empirical proof that vegan chocolate taste just as good." She smiles when she sees Rachel nod as she holds open the door for her.

#$#$#$#

They're laughing like old friends, filled with desserts and coffee. It's finally comfortable for Rachel as she smirks when Quinn describes her first surgical procedure on her cadaver. "I mean I could not look below his navel for two weeks." Her mortified tone and expression sending Rachel into another fit of giggles.

Quinn hears her phone go off and glances at the number before answering, surprised at the caller but taking the call anyway. "Hi, I thought you were going to call at the end of the week." She glances furtively at Rachel, not wanting to call Shelby by name and already half standing to go to a more private place as she signals to Rachel that she needed to take the call.

Rachel nods her understanding as she sees Quinn make her way outside, her head bent down as she runs her free hand through her hair. She looks like she did in high school but softer somehow in some aspects and so very different in others. Rachel shakes her head, surprised at her thoughts. She's not used to thinking so much about Quinn without remembering all the bad memories of high school.

The changes are myriad but in the end, she recognizes Quinn's conviction. It had got her through a lot and Quinn was using it now to help her and for that, she was incredibly grateful. She sees Quinn, pace back and forth, her hand again running though her hair, and finally clenching it by her side, like she's frustrated. She hangs up but does not make a move to re-enter the restaurant as she stares at her phone for a good minute before swiping at her eyes.

"Is everything ok?" She can see the tears in Quinn's eyes as she tries to blink them away. Rachel wants to ask who had been on the phone but she's not fully sure that the tentative link they have forged is strong enough yet and she does not want to risk it.

"Yeah, I um.." She had been surprised that Shelby had called ahead of schedule and frightened as well. Rightfully so it seemed as Beth had got into an accident and Shelby needed another doctor's opinion. Only she wouldn't give Quinn any specifics of how or why the accident had happened. It was infuriating but it was also Shelby's prerogative. It didn't matter that Quinn knows she'll spend the entire night worried that Beth could get worse or the doctors in Lima may have missed something. She wasn't going to get any more information. Shelby had said she had been discharged and was already home but it still made her worry. "It was a consult and I think…I hope she's going to be fine."

Quinn does not realize she's crying until she feels Rachel's arms around her and it's a trigger to let go as she sobs as quietly as she can into Rachel's shoulder, for the first time in the longest while, letting go with someone else around.

**End Pt 8**


	9. I'll Stand By You

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_So, if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside._ **

**_Come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide?_ **

**_I get angry too. But I'm a lot like you_ **

**_The Pretenders_ **

The sunlight streams through the window and Quinn blinks against its brightness as she jerks awake in an unfamiliar room. It had been a habit once, to seek company when she wanted to forget but it never lasted and in the end, she buried herself in her work instead. She looks under the covers to find herself fully clothed and the other side of the bed completely pristine. Then it all comes rushing back, Shelby's call and her subsequent breakdown.

She scrubs her face with her hands, ashamed for showing her weakness. What she does remember though is Rachel holding her, until her tears subsided. Quinn had expected Rachel to push her about the call and who the consult was for but she just held her and then when Quinn drove her home, she insisted that Quinn stay especially since she was so exhausted. Rachel was adamant insisting that Quinn could get into an accident if she drove again.

She can hear faint noises outside and she slips out of the bedroom to see Tina and Rachel at the bar counter bordering the open kitchen. "Hey." Rachel smiles at her, her eyes bright and looking better than she did at the hospital. "Hope you had a good rest." Her wide smile and proffered cup of coffee, making Quinn feel less uncomfortable as she accepts the steaming mug.

She sees Tina glancing at her, a quizzical expression on her face as she sits on the chair next to her. Quinn knows that she does not owe Tina an explanation but she also understands that they are all really protective of Rachel and with her past history; it was only fair that Tina still didn't trust her. "Rachel, thanks for letting me crash last night. I didn't think I was that tired. Anyway, I should go." She glances at her watch, surprised to see that it was almost noon. "I need to follow up with your doctors and you need to rest as well."

Quinn sees Rachel's face fall and it hits her that she does not like to be the reason for it. "I really want to thank you." She reaches out to touch Rachel's arm, as she says the words and can see Tina's eyebrows rise in surprise.

"I'll see you at your next appointment in three days. Bye. Bye Tina" Quinn brushes Rachel's hand once more and waves goodbye to Tina before grabbing her jacket off the sofa.

#$#$#$#

For a week that started out so well, it had all suddenly gone downhill for Rachel. Her body ached, her skin felt raw and the antiemetic drugs were not working as she was throwing up even though she really hadn't been able to eat much anyway. She didn't sound or feel like herself. The last straw though came when she saw the article in the Enquirer, her full blown picture on the front, boldly stating she had turned anorexic and depressed and possibly drug addicted because Troy had left her.

She hadn't meant to read the article but someone had left it in Quinn's office and as she flipped through the pages, she saw pictures of herself, looking wan and tired. Most of them with Tina or Marcie supporting her and one with Quinn, helping her into her car. The captions highlighting her woman companions and implicitly suggesting that Rachel was trying to get over Troy with their company and more.

She knows that news of her illness would eventually leak out considering she had taken the extended leave of absence from her show citing exhaustion. However, she didn't expect the old rumors and gossip to surface. She didn't want Tina or Quinn or Marcie to have to put up with the unfair scrutiny.

Marcie had asked her if she wanted to do a press release but she didn't want to go public at least not yet and now it was too late. The story already written and despite it all being lies, it would be the prevailing theory until someone dug deeper to find out about her cancer. She crumples the paper in her hand when she hears the door open.

"Sorry I'm late. Post Op rounds took longer than I thought they would." Quinn rushes into her office, dropping the files on the table as she calls out to Rachel. "How are you feeling today?" She pulls her hair back into a ponytail as she waits for Rachel's answer only to hear nothing. She goes back to her outer office to see Rachel standing in the same spot, a crumpled newspaper in her hand. "Rach?"

Rachel sees Quinn extend her hand but she takes a step back, her skin feeling so raw and taut.

Her body seemingly unfamiliar and she's feeling so unlike herself that she cannot bear anyone to touch her. "Don't touch me. Just don't." Rachel wraps her arms around herself, her head down as she tries to stop the feelings of despair from encroaching. She does not want to give up but she's feeling so lost and she really just wants everything to stop.

"Ok." Rachel had lost about eight pounds and Quinn was beginning to get worried. She had called Tony last night and knew that she was also not sleeping or keeping much food down. The treatment was working though and she was hoping the MRI today would show improvements that would allow them to cut back on the chemo and radiation treatments. "We can go for the MRI then, Dr Drew is waiting downstairs."

"You know, I think you don't need to be there today. I think it would be good if you don't come. I don't want you there." Rachel's voice is flat, hard and it startles Quinn.

"Ok, what just happened?" Quinn tries to control her exasperation but it still comes through. The past months had been so hectic and she even missed her few scant hours at the free clinic, in order to work on Rachel's case. She had rushed through her rounds and skipped lunch to make it for Rachel's appointment knowing that Tony and Marcie wouldn't make it today. "You're tired and I know these treatments have taken a lot out of you but please don't push me away when I'm offering to help you." She reaches out only to see Rachel flinch and she pulls her hand back.

"What if I don't want it? Maybe this was a mistake. I think I should just go home, I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I want to." Rachel can't seem to stop the flow of words or her defeatist tone. She knows that she should get angry at Troy or her cancer or something else and Quinn has done nothing but help and support her but she's the only one here and everything hurts so much today even as she's trying to clamp down on it.

She does not want to feel this way but her thoughts are just spiraling downwards as she takes a deep breath, clenching her jaw before she says anything else that she does not mean. Her shoulders slump and she accepts that maybe, just maybe she wasn't going to get better and everything that has happened doesn't mean anything.

Quinn has seen this before in her patients and fundamentally understands that it's tiring to keep fighting the symptoms every day and sooner or later they would feel like giving up only it was her job to ensure that they kept fighting. She needed Rachel to want to fight, to get angry and to not keep it inside because keeping it inside was not healthy as she was already battling her disease. Rachel needed an outlet, she needed to feel something and to direct her anger at someone and Quinn was the only one there. She can see Rachel giving up and she can't allow that to happen. Rachel needed to fight and she needed to release her anger.

She knows what she needs to do but she also does not want to put their new found friendship on the line. She sees Rachel clench her hands by her sides, trying so hard to keep everything in. But it's only when she sees Rachel turn to walk towards the door, does she say the words. "You know what? If you really want to get angry then do it but do it for the right reason. So here goes, Treasure Trail.." Quinn bites down on her tongue drawing blood as she turns to look away from Rachel.

She can see still see from the corner of her eye that the name causes Rachel to physically recoil. She feels so much self hatred but she pushes on. "You said you pitied me in high school but in the end, when Dave went after you because I told him to, I think everyone pitied you more." Quinn nails dig into the fleshy part of her palm, again drawing blood as she finally looks up at Rachel. She sees so much hurt and pain in her eyes that she wants to apologize, to take back the words but then she sees the hurt morph into anger and fire.

"What?" Rachel can't believe what she's hearing. The incident forever etched in her consciousness had been the worse of her life. She remembered Dave's sour breath as he whispered all the things he would do to her to prove he wasn't gay. Each word punctuated as he pressed himself against her. How his meaty hands had curled around her wrists, holding them down, bruising them. How she had wanted to tell him it wasn't her but could not get the words out. "You told Dave…."

Rachel doesn't realize she's moving until she hears the slap and feels the sting on her palm as her hand connects with Quinn's cheek. She's so taken aback by her actions that she immediately pulls back, her eyes meeting Quinn's as the doctor touches the side of her face but does not deny her words. Rachel remembered seeing the cheerleader that day, standing apart as she descended into her panic attack.

She should have expected this and in the end, she only has herself to blame. "I'm feeling like shit and for all the recommended treatments, my voice still doesn't feel like before. Maybe this is your big plan to finally take me down. Quinn Fabray wins and Rachel Berry loses her voice." Quinn does not react to her words as she just stands there.

"I don't want to see you again." It hurt so much that Quinn's surprised she's still standing. She looks at Rachel and sees her shoulders straighten as her resolve comes back. "I'm going to get better without you."

Rachel slams the door, her tears only falling when she reaches the elevator. She still feels tired but at least she knows what she wants now. She wants to get better and then she was going to refute all of Troy's claims and get back on Broadway where she belonged.

#$#$#$

Julie, her scrub nurse had been kind enough to keep tabs on Rachel for the next week, giving her updates about how she looked and how the treatment had gone yesterday. She still kept in touch with Dr Drew and Dr Bonner and reviewed all the test results and scans and worked on the plan for the last treatment round.

Quinn hadn't left the hospital either, knowing that if she did, she would end up at the bar drinking herself into a stupor because she wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. So she worked, took up all the extra shifts until Alex cornered her this morning. He all but threatened to ban her from the operating theatre and then dropped the bombshell that Rachel had been admitted earlier that morning.

_"She couldn't keep any fluids down and was too dehydrated. Mr. Llewellyn called and they brought her in a few hours ago. She's in room 410."_

Quinn was glad that he didn't ask her what was wrong or demand to know why she didn't go home instead; he had pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear. _"She's sedated and won't be awake for a few hours. You should drop by, see for yourself and tell her whatever you need to. Then you should get back to being the best doctor you can be instead of this morose overworked shadow of yourself."_

Quinn stands outside the door for a good five minutes before she tentatively knocks and enters before she can change her mind. Marcie's tired face looks at her and she opens her mouth but Quinn stops her.

"I just want to see that she's ok. I'll leave before she wakes up, please, just let me see that she's ok." Marcie nods and she takes the chair by the bed, her hand automatically reaching out to hold Rachel's limp one.

Her voice is low and she doesn't care that Marcie is here to hear her words; she just knows that she needs to say them once. "I'm so sorry for everything and I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I just need you to know that I think you're extraordinary and brave and you deserve to be happy and have your voice back and I hope that you know that. Your scans have been promising and soon you'll be back on stage where you belong. Where you've always belonged."

She stands, only to feel Rachel's hand tighten around hers and she sits back down holding tightly on to Rachel's hand as if her life depended on it.

**End Pt 9**


	10. Taking Chances

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_I just want to start again,_ **

**_And maybe you could show me how to try,_ **

**_And maybe you could take me in,_ **

**_Underneath your skin_ **

**_Celine Dion_ **

They're back at square one when Rachel wakes up, uncomfortable with each other although reluctant to go back to not being friends. Quinn hovers in the background reluctant to leave although knowing that Rachel hasn't really acknowledged her presence. She wants to repeat her speech although she isn't that brave and holds her tongue instead, just happy that she hasn't lost Rachel as she looks at the nurse take her vitals, noting that they're all in the normal range.

She was sure that she had been dreaming, words that made her feel warm and safe, a voice that anchored her and gave her courage. When she woke, all she saw was Quinn's head, sprawled on the side of her bed, their hands clasped together.

It all comes rushing back, their fight last week and the hurtful words. Rachel had spent the whole week fueled by anger and an underlying feeling of pain that she could not explain. She endured the scheduled treatments sniping at Tony and Marcie whenever they tried to ask her why Quinn wasn't there.

It confused her even further when Dr. Bonner had called to tell her that Quinn's final proposed dosages of the last drug and radiation plan was perfect and she was lucky to have such a dedicated doctor looking after her and who spent most of the week working on it. Memories of Quinn's hateful words and the imprint of Karofsky's attack on her are mixed with the sting on her hand from slapping Quinn. Rachel can't explain any of it. Why Quinn was still working on her case and why she had told her about egging Karofsky on.

What she could not deny was the rush of happiness flowing through her when she had first seen Quinn in her room. She did not move, instead just holding on to Quinn's hand until the morning nurse had come in. Quinn had awaken then, a look of trepidation on her face as she let go of Rachel's hand and stepped to the back of the room, trying to blend into the background as she took note of all the readings, the nurse had been taking.

Quinn can feel her time running out and she knows she needs to do this, to take a chance that Rachel's heart is still as big and forgiving as before. "Rachel." The name falls from her lips, sounding like a plea, an invocation as she steps forward.

"Rachel, great news, Dr Drew says if you're feeling up to it, I can take you home." Tony sees Quinn standing there, her hands in her pockets, as Rachel looks at him and then back to Quinn. "Oh." He's normally more verbose but then Rachel is too except for right now as she's looking back and forth between him and Quinn, no words coming out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry Rachel, I should go." She's a coward but then, she's never been taught to be different, not from Russell or Julie Fabray. She's already bared her soul in front of Marcie and she can't do it again with Tony there, knowing that she has already blown her one chance at redemption in Rachel's eyes.

She doesn't want Quinn to leave, despite the harsh words and the disappointment she felt, all she knows is that Quinn had hurt her but deep down, she still wanted her to be there.

"Don't go." The words are so soft and tentative that Quinn is positive that she's imagined them so she does not stop as she rushes out the door. Except once she's out of the room, she comes to a standstill. She does not know where she wants to go. To be honest, she doesn't want to go anywhere except back into the room. She can't explain why but she had felt lost, adrift the whole week and it didn't go away until she saw Rachel again.

It's so difficult for her to step back into the room because she cannot bring herself to acknowledge the reason she needs to be there. She puts it down to trying to be the great doctor Alex talked about, ignoring that she's not thinking with her head like any good doctor would. "I don't want to go." The words are also spoken in the same hesitant manner similar to Rachel's entreaty.

She sees Rachel looking at her and holds her breath, waiting for the diva to say something. She does not want to examine her current feelings too closely because she is so afraid but she also knows that she needs to make a decision as she takes the final step back into Rachel's room.

Tony suddenly feels like a voyeur as he looks at Rachel look at Dr. Fabray. He can feel the undercurrent of something but realizes that both women were not really going to address it especially since he was in the room. "So, are you up to going home?"

Rachel hears Tony's question but the answer she has is solely meant for Quinn. "Ok." She looks straight at the doctor and nods, a small smile gracing her face as she sees Quinn's features change from apprehension to relief at the reprieve she has been granted.

#$#$#$

Rachel never felt confused by her propensity to express her emotions freely and without guilt. She considered it a gift and she reveled in showing her love and affection for her family and her friends. It was an extension of who she was and what made her different.

Except, sitting in the back seat of Tony's car with Quinn beside her is making her feel things she never expected. She wants to hold Quinn's hand, to convince herself that she is really there. Only, she cannot seem to bridge the gap between them as she holds her hands in her lap, her head down, keeping all her emotions in check, convincing herself that the best thing to do is to keep quiet for once. She's so caught up with her internal monologue that she's startled when she hears Quinn's voice and sees her hand extended.

"Hi, we use to go to McKinley together. I'm Quinn Fabray. I am also your primary care physician and your friend and I'm so sorry for hurting you." She knows that this will never make up for what she had done. But she needs to have a clean slate and Rachel has given that to her so she will not squander the precious opportunity. She sees Rachel take her hand and she holds it, not letting it go.

#$#$#$

The small crowd on the sidewalk outside her building is unusual but not unexpected for New York. It's only when she sees the cameras and mikes does she understand that her condition may have been made public.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere else?", "We could go to my place." Tony and Quinn's voices overlap both laced with concern.

"Troy's told them so many lies that they might as well know the truth. I have nothing to hide." Rachel finally letting go of Quinn's hand as she stepped out of the car.

She's used to the cacophony of sound from the camera flashes and the rapid fire questions but she's always been at her best, not affected by Chemo or suffering from lack of sleep. She's underestimated the effects and almost falls back only to have Tony's hand encircle her waist and Quinn's hand holding onto her upper arm.

"Ms Berry will answer your questions but you need to give her some space." Quinn's authoritative voice rises above the noise. The questions come fast and furious about her hospital stay, rumors of drug overdoses and exhaustion, Troy's accusations and Quinn's identity.

Rachel tells them that she's undergoing treatment for nodes on her vocal cords, not confirming if its cancer but introducing Quinn as her friend and doctor. She tells them that she misses the stage and wants very much to go back but needs to rest and recuperate before that can happen. She does not bother to address questions about Troy instead focusing on sending a message to her fans that she was doing her utmost and concentrating on getting better.

She's exhausted again by the time they make it up to her apartment but despite Quinn's insistence that she lie down, Rachel was adamant on calling her dads. She had not told them of the cancer, only that she needed to take a break and undergo some treatment. They had sense something was wrong but didn't push, only offering as much love and support as she needed. She made the choice to hold back because she didn't want them to blame themselves as her two grandmothers and one of her dad's brothers had succumbed to the disease. But with the news breaking, she knew that she needed to tell them the truth and also give them the news that her scans had shown improvement.

#$#$#$

Tony had gone to fetch Tina and Quinn takes the time to study Rachel as she talks on the phone to her dads, the way she curls her hair around her index finger on her left hand, the way she smiles and shakes her head even though her dads' can't see her movement. Most of all she concentrates on Rachel's throat, knowing beneath the smooth skin, the nodes are still present and it's up to her to ensure Rachel was going to be all right.

She's still very much afraid that she is not good enough for Rachel and then the epiphany hits her with such force that she's glad she's sitting down as she realizes that her feelings had changed over the past two months. Initially they had been only focused on Rachel's health but gradually she found herself wanting to be part of Rachel's life.

"Quinn?" The call with her dads' had been good although she can tell that they're even more worried now and it was only a matter of time before they flew to New York. She had seen Quinn looking at her, deep in thought and like at the hospital, she had felt happy that she was there. What she's beginning to realize was that Quinn's presence meant a lot to her, more that she expected it would and if she were being honest with herself, more than she expected of a friend.

"Everything go ok?" Quinn moves over, leaving room for Rachel to join her on the sofa. She sees Rachel smile and nod as the brunette sinks into the couch, tucking her feet under her and sighing as she leaned back. "You really need to get some sleep. Your last session is coming up and then it's a week break before the next three cycles of chemoradiation."

"It's only going to get worse isn't it? At least before it gets better. It's kind of like the calm before the storm. I think that I'm doing well, small bouts of nausea and the occasional soreness but it's just going to get worse." Rachel closes her eyes as she asks the question, already knowing the answer but wanting Quinn to say it anyway. The past two months had not been that bad except at the end and even then it was more about the fight with Quinn than the toll of her treatment.

"Yes." Quinn turns towards Rachel, as she raises her hand to tuck a bit of Rachel's hair behind her ear. "But I'm a good…No, make that a great doctor and I'm going to be an even better friend." She sees Rachel's eyes open and she moves her hand down, her fingertips trailing Rachel's cheek. "I promise." The words are softly spoken as she concentrates on the feel of Rachel's skin as she looks into Rachel's eyes.

She registers Quinn's words but it's her touch that she's focused on. Feather light but leaving an imprint nonetheless. Rachel opens her eyes, trying to express something that she cannot articulate and has not acknowledged except for this moment.

Quinn sees the swirl of emotions in Rachel's brown eyes, darker and more expressive than her own. Her hand finally stilling when she reaches Rachel's jaw, her eyes drop as she sees her thumb slowly, gently tracing Rachel's mouth.

The instantaneous realization that they are on a precipice is there, both women innately gravitating towards each other, each of their diminutive movements seems so choreographed, like a natural progression as Rachel leans forward and Quinn closes her eyes.

**End Pt 10**


	11. Can't Fight This Feeling

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_I can't fight this feeling any longer_ **

**_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_ **

**_What started out as friendship, has grown stronger_ **

**_I only wish I had the strength to let it show_ **

**_REO Speedwagon_ **

Their first kiss is tentative, a whispered touch really, filled with promise and hope. Neither one pushing forward nor pulling back, both just existing in a sweet moment.

"Rachel!" Marcie's anxious voice echoes within the apartment as Quinn turns her head just in time to see Rachel's manager enter the room. "I heard about the impromptu interviews. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I just finished with the terms of your new recording contract and I'm so sorry. Are you feeling better?"

Marcie could not hide her surprise at Quinn's presence as she stares at the young doctor sitting next to Rachel. She had last seen her sleeping in Rachel's room and she had meant to wake her up only they both looked so exhausted that she didn't have the heart to. "Dr. Fabray, what are you doing here, is Rachel alright?"

"I'm fine." Rachel responds automatically, although she is looking at Quinn who is trying her best not to look at her as she turns towards Marcie. "Quinn and I …"She sees Quinn stiffen and it actually hurts her to see that. "We were just talking about the next few rounds of treatment." She swallows audibly, as she feels tears in her eyes.

Marcie rushes to sit next to her, "If you're fine, then why do you look like you're about to cry." Her hand gently rubbing circles on Rachel's back.

All Quinn can process is the fact that she kissed Rachel Berry or to be absolutely honest, she had been expecting Rachel Berry to kiss her. It's surreal because the thought had never crossed her mind until about five minutes ago when she had been observing Rachael talking on the phone. She had only had one experience with a woman and even then, it was just Brittany making out with her to make Santana jealous after winning their last National cheerleading title. Brittany had tried to take it further, her hand trailing down her back but Quinn had come to her senses then and stopped it from getting too far because she didn't want to come between Santana and Brittany. She tenses up when Rachel says her name, not wanting to hear a denial.

What she realized here was that she wouldn't have stopped Rachel and that thought alone frightens her. She can see Rachel from the corner of her eye and knows that she needs to say something. "You do need to rest." she places her hand on Rachel's knee before continuing, "we can continue our...talk tomorrow." Quinn finally looks at Rachel, trying to convey everything with one look, hoping she would understand that she wasn't running away.

For one perfect second, Rachel had kissed Quinn, she had held her close and breathed her in. But now, all she can think of is that she's tired and confused and Quinn had pulled back first, not even wanting to look at her until now. She can accept them as friends but she doesn't think she can think beyond that right now as she nods at Quinn's words. Quinn's bright hazel eyes meet her own but Rachel does not hold the gaze, not wanting to acknowledge the blond. "I think I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you for staying with me. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Rachel, you need to eat and rehydrate." Quinn finally looks at Marcie, "if anything happens, you need to call me, day or night. If I'm in surgery, just tell the service and they'll get the message to me." Quinn feels like she's abandoning Rachel even though she can see that Rachel seems to want her to leave. She accepts that their moment was probably an anomaly of sorts and she can accept that she is still Rachel's doctor and more importantly, her friend. She does not acknowledge the disappointment she feels, pushing it away in order to move on as she leaves Rachel's apartment.

#$#$#$

Quinn knows that she tends to use her hours at the free clinic to work through her issues. The time spent in general practice allows her to work through her problems and do some good, dispensing flu meds and diagnosing everyday ailments, nothing too stressful and giving her time to think.

"Mrs. Charles, your blood pressure is too high, are you taking the medication I prescribed?" Quinn sees the woman meekly shake her head, an embarrassed look gracing her face and realizes that she probably used her medication money to buy milk for the granddaughter she was looking after, the one that her seventeen year old daughter saddled her with after running away. "Diana still not back?" again she sees the woman shake her head, worry and fear making her look older beyond her years.

"Here" she pulls out a fifty-dollar note from her purse and places it in the woman's hand. "You can pay me back next time and give me interest in those amazing sugar cookies you make." she pushes the money into Mrs. Charles hand curling her fingers around it, knowing that the woman would be too proud to accept it otherwise.

"Thank you, Dr. Fabray. I bet you mother is proud of you." She sees the young doctor's face fall and quickly adds," If not, I'm sure there's someone who loves you with all their heart because you deserve it."

Quinn smiles, not wanting to correct her or admit that apart from Alex and maybe Mercedes, she really didn't have anyone in her life who loved her for who she was. She had never really been in love; all of her relationships never lasting more than a few months, always fizzling out because she was too busy with classes and med school and then just because her patients had to come first.

It never really bothered her because it was difficult missing something she had never really experienced. She thought she had come close with Puck, the way her heart would race when he sang to her or when he talked of them being a family. In the end, she could have loved him only he couldn't love her at least not after she gave Beth up. With Sam, it had been all physical attraction on both sides, no emotional ties. She thinks what she feels for Rachel is different but she can't identify the feeling either. All she knows is that when she's with Rachel, she feels more like herself than she's ever felt before.

"Thank you. Remember to take your medicine and you can bring in your granddaughter if she needs any of her shots."

She checks her phone hoping to see a message despite knowing that Rachel would most probably be asleep. She sees four messages but all from Shelby's number. Quinn quickly dials back. "Hi, Shelby, what's wrong?"

"Quinn, you have to come. She got into an accident again. You have to come."

#$#$#$

"What's wrong?" She hears Tina's question as she again turns on her side, trying to find a comfortable spot in her bed but failing miserably. Rachel feels cold as she burrows further into the covers, her muscles ache but it pales in comparison to the ached she feels in her chest when Quinn left. How can she explain this to Tina without sounding like she has fallen for Quinn Fabray. That thought alone scares her not because they're both women but because she cannot imagine Quinn would reciprocate her feelings.

Rachel had grown up surrounded by love, accepting that it came in different forms and was as fluid as it could be. She had crushes on both sexes for as long as she could remember, never really acting on it until Finn and subsequently the only relationships that she had was with her career and a few costars, all of them male except for a short fling with a dancer a few years back.

Lisa had been tall and blond; she had reminded Rachel of Brittany or any number of Sue's cheerios. The relationship didn't really last because Lisa, wanted to use her for her career and the notoriety of turning Rachel Berry gay. Marcie had worked overtime to quash any stories before it got out and then Troy came along which was its own unmitigated disaster.

"I .Can't .Sleep." Rachel feels the bed dip next to her as Tina climbs in and turns to face her, lying on her side.

"I can see that but that's not what I'm asking. I talked to Marcie and Tony told me about the interviews and what happened in the hospital...with Quinn" Tina knows she remembers high school differently from Rachel. She had been largely ignored and only really felt targeted when she had been with Rachel or Kurt and in the end, she chose to remain in the background, only coming out when Mike had asked her out and during glee practices and concerts.

Quinn had never been mean to her the way she had been to Rachel but it didn't mean that Tina trusted her now. Rachel had a forgiving heart, embracing Tina when they were at Julliard and helping her in her career when she made it big. So she considered it her duty to look out for Rachel. She had failed with Troy and barely managed stopping herself from hitting Lisa when the dancer had threatened to go public with the relationship. In the end, Tony had to cast her in the project he was working on, the part that Tina had won legitimately. But it was worth it as long as Rachel was protected.

She hears Rachel's intake of breath at the sound of Quinn's name and figures that something had happened. "I swear if she hurt you again, I'm going to.." Tina sees Rachel's small smile but it does not reach her eyes.

"No, she apologized and she wanted to stay. I wanted her to leave, it was me. I asked her to leave, only I didn't want her to go." the words tumble out and she knows she's not making any sense but she feels tired and her head hurts.

"Ok sweetie, you are not making sense. If you wanted her to stay, why did you ask her to leave?" She had seen the way the two women had interacted over the past two months and knows that there is a bond there although she's pretty sure it hasn't really gone beyond the hand holding and she's not sure if she wants it to go beyond that knowing that Rachel couldn't take another heartbreak especially having firsthand knowledge of how mean Quinn could get.

"Because if she stayed, I would have said or done something I probably shouldn't say or do to her because she's Quinn Fabray and I'm Rachel Berry. She's Quinn Fabray" Rachel stresses the name, bringing forth all her emotions to the forefront as she feels her eyes tear up and Tina's hand reach out to wipe the stray tear that has escaped. "I can't feel like this, please god, let me stop feeling like this." Rachel closes her eyes as she turns away. She's not freaking out because she thinks she has feelings for a woman but because the woman is Quinn.

Tina wraps her arms around Rachel, placing her head on the brunette's shoulder and whispers in her ear, "It's ok, it'll pass and we're here." She feels the heat radiating off Rachel's body and wants to comment on it only to hear Rachel's soft voice.

"What if it doesn't pass? I can't feel this way, I don't think I want to." The pounding in her head is getting worse and she feels her voice slur.

"Then we take your mind off her, Tony, Marcie and I will be with you always and your dads called me. They want to fly in and I think it'll be good. Rachel?" Tina feels Rachel stiffen in her arms and then go limp. "Rachel? Sweetie?" She springs up, turning Rachel over as she sees Rachel's head loll around, her eyes closed.

"Marcie!" Tina doesn't realize she's screaming as she shakes Rachel, trying to wake her. It's only when she feels Marcie's hand on her shoulder does she stop. "We were just talking and she lost consciousness."

Marcie places one hand on Rachel's forehead as she grabs the phone on the side table, dialing for an ambulance. "She's burning up. I think she may have an infection because of the chemo. Dr. Drew said it could happen at any time. We need to get her to the hospital. Can you call her dads?"

Tina nods as she fumbles to take out her phone.

#$#$#$

The three of them are in the car following the ambulance. Marcie had tried to ride with Rachel but she wasn't family and didn't think to lie. She sees Tony's knuckles turn white as he tightly grips the steering wheel. "What did her dads say?" Tina's staring out the window as she answers.

"They're trying to get the first flight out. She told them she was fine and they're angry she didn't tell them sooner." Tina had disagreed with Rachel's decision, only capitulating when the diva had explained her family history and how her dads would feel guilty because they would think one of them had caused her to have cancer. She loved them too much to worry them unnecessarily. So Tina took the brunt of their anger and fear on the call, knowing that they loved Rachel and were afraid for her. "She's going to be fine." She says the words like a promise, hoping that they're true, praying that they will be.

"We have to call Dr. Fabray. Rachel would want us to call Quinn." Marcie remembers the doctor's words and realizes that she would want to be at the hospital, especially after her confession in Rachel's room the last time.

"No, I... I don't think that's a good idea." Tina turns to stop Marcie from making the call only to hear her husband's voice.

"Honey, Rachel may not want Quinn there but she's going to need Dr. Fabray." He sees his wife's eyes widen as she takes in his words.

"Rachel is going to be fine." There is no conviction behind her tone, only hope as she nods to Marcie, silently praying that Quinn's promise to Rachel really meant something.

#$#$#$

Quinn slings her bag onto her shoulder as she hears the boarding announcement for her flight. She had called Alex from her car, telling him about Beth and asking for the time. He had known about her past but never pried, always leaving it to her as to how much she wanted to share with him. Even now, he had acquiesced to her leave of absence only asking her to promise to call him if she needed help.

She checks her phone one last time, hoping to see a text from Rachel and is startled by a call from an unfamiliar number. She feels a chill all of a sudden and a feeling of dread overtakes her as she answers the call only to hear Marcie's frantic voice as the final announcement for her flight is made.

"Quinn, you have to come, it's Rachel, she's unconscious and she's on her way to the hospital."

**End pt 11**


	12. Beth

**My Future in Your Hands**

**_Just a few more hours_ **

**_And I'll be right home to you_ **

**_I think I hear them calling_ **

**_Oh Beth what can I do_ **

**_Beth what can I do_ **

**_Kiss_ **

Quinn feels her heart plummet, as she looks at the plane ticket grasped firmly in her left hand. Beth had got into another car accident; this time Shelby had proof that the sixteen-year old had been drinking. She had been admitted with a suspected concussion and bruised ribs and Shelby had asked her to come, for a second opinion and to see if she could talk some sense into her biological daughter.

She knows that alcoholism can be partly hereditary and god knows her parents were drunks. But Beth had Shelby who loved her and Quinn understood that she needed to do everything she could to ensure that Beth didn't throw any of it away. She accepts it, even if it meant meeting her and talking about her past. The problem was that Rachel needed her too.

She had made a promise which she had every intention of keeping. She just needed to figure out how. According to Marcie, Rachel was unconscious and she had no idea how serious her condition was. That meant she needed to find out before she flew back to Lima. Quinn can still hear Marcie's voice over the phone. "I'll call Dr. Drew and meet you at the hospital. Thanks for calling me."

She hangs up, and starts dialing Shelby's number as she rushes back through the terminal. She hears Shelby's breathless voice, "Quinn, when does your flight get in?"

The guilt hits her full force and she has to stop running to collect her breath and answer Shelby, "there's been a change of plans. I need to consult on a case here at the hospital before I can take the flight. There's another flight in nine hours into Fort Wayne and I'll drive straight to the hospital and meet you there." The crumpled ticket is still in her hand and she wonders what her answer would be if Shelby insists that she come now.

"She's still pretty woozy and we need to wake her up every few hours or so. Maybe it's best you come tomorrow when she's feeling better." Shelby never expected Quinn to agree to come so quickly and the fact that she was a big time doctor and probably had to rearrange her schedule meant a lot to her. She just wanted the best for her daughter and right now, she knows that meeting Quinn was something Beth needed to do. She still thought that she had been unwanted and abandoned and it pained Shelby to see her daughter struggle with that. Meeting Quinn was a gamble that she hoped would work out. "Thanks for agreeing to do this and I'll see you tomorrow."

#$#$#$

The hospital always looked like a welcome sight to her except now. Quinn parks her car but does not get out; instead, she sits there for a minute. She feels disjointed, pulled in two different directions, praying that it will all work out. The cross hanging on the thin gold chain feels cool against her skin as she gently touches it, a short prayer on her lips.

She hasn't gone to church in years but she hasn't forgotten God or how much prayer soothes her. In this instance, she prays for strength and a clear head so that she can help Rachel and she prays for patience and for the daughter she does not know and for the opportunity to get to know her. She makes one last fervent plea for Rachel's well being before she crosses herself and gets out of the car, squaring her shoulder against the cold and hoping for the best.

Quinn spots Dr. Drew, his baldhead reflecting the light as he bends down to talk to Tina. "Her last white blood count wasn't that low but it seems she picked up an infection when she was last here." She catches his last few words and understands the gravity of the situation immediately going into full doctor mode, shutting down any of her personal thoughts for Rachel.

"Have you ordered a cbc and BMP?" Quinn's voice startles Tina but when the young woman realizes it's her, she pulls her into a hug, tears leaking out. "Hey, it's ok; she's going to get the best care possible." Quinn needs to see Rachel but she knows that she has to talk to the oncologist first and get as much information as she can.

"Yes, the results should come in soon. She's running a temperature but she seems stabilized now." Quinn can see that he's holding back and slowly pulls away from Tina. "Where's Tony?" She smiles gently at her old friend.

"He's talking to Rachel's dads. They're trying to get a flight out." Tina looks at Quinn, trepidation gracing her normally calm features, she needs Quinn to tell her that Rachel is going to be fine but she cannot find the words to express any of it.

"I'm going to consult with Dr. Drew and then I want to see Rachel. Why don't you sit with her? I'll be in as soon as I can." Quinn is trying hard to separate her personal feelings from her professional ones and knows that she is not doing a good job when she feels the strong pull to see Rachel even before she reviews her case with Dr. Drew.

Quinn takes a deep breath collecting her thoughts and tamping down on her rolling emotions, ignoring the tendrils of fear in the pit of her stomach because she has to be at her best here in the little time she had left before she flew off to Ohio. "If we can isolate the infection source, we have a better chance helping her fight it, odds are it's her lungs or mouth and we need to check both. We need to bring down her temperature and start IV antibiotics." Quinn runs her hand through her hair as she thinks though the different scenarios that can occur in cases like this and launches into her proposed plan of treatment, hoping that Dr. Drew concurs and they can start helping Rachel recover.

#$#$#$

Quinn checks the IV again, just to make sure the dosage is correct as she places her hand on Rachel' temple, gauging if her temperature had come down since she her last check. Five hours had passed and Rachel still had not woken up although she knows that it's actually a good thing she hadn't as it gave Rachel's body time to rest and hopefully fight off the bacterial infection in her lungs.

"Is she going to be alright?" Marcie puts voice to a question Quinn has been asking herself since she took the call at the airport. As a doctor, she knows she cannot afford to second guess her decisions, each made to the best of her ability, each decision made to ensure that the patient lived. However, she is far from perfect and recognizes that some of her decisions had not been the right ones. In hindsight, she would give anything to save more lives but understands that she needs to always think she's right.

In this instance, she's terrified that she's not and that Rachel would not get better. "I hope so." He voice is soft, filled with hope and fuelled with faith. She had ducked into the small chapel in the hospital, praying in a place of worship for the first time in a long while, asking for guidance and praying for Rachel. She actually had to say a quick silent sorry to Rachel, remembering she was Jewish and hoping she would not take offense.

Her hand lingers on Rachel's temple, reluctant to break contact only pulling back when she feels Rachel stir.

"Rachel?" Her voice again filled with hope as she takes Rachel's hand, watching her eyelids flutter, fighting to open. Marcie runs to the door, calling for Tina and Tony, "I think she's waking up."

Quinn almost shouts out with joy when she feels Rachel's hand tighten around hers. "Come on, please open your eyes. Please" she whispers, not wanting to say it any louder for fear it was not really happening. She sees them all crowd around Rachel's bed, Tina taking Rachel's other hand as Marcie joins her is pleading for Rachel to open her eyes.

She can hear their voices but she feels so tired, her body aching all over and her eyelids too heavy to open even as she struggles to do so. She hears Quinn's voice, soft but filled with so much emotion that she pushes herself, blinking open her eyes, taking in the light and focusing on the people surrounding her. Her throat is parched and try as she might, no sound emerges as she opens her mouth, her eyes widening with fear that she has finally lost her voice.

"It's ok, you're ok, here." Quinn grabs the plastic cup and angles the straw so that Rachel can drink from it. "You're throat's pretty raw. You have a lung infection and the meds are helping." Her eyes meet Rachel's and an understanding passes between them as she sees the fear leave Rachel's eyes. She is still holding Rachel's hand and does not want to let go but she has to write up her notes on Rachel and prepare for her flight to Ohio. "I need to follow up with Dr. Bonner. I'll come back soon." She turns quickly, not wanting to see Rachel's expression, knowing that she would stay if she could.

#$#$#$

She knows she has to leave soon if she wants to make this flight but something is holding her back. Quinn finally enters Rachel's room, keeping as quiet as possible as she sees Tina, Marcie and Tony sprawled asleep in chairs around Rachel's bed. She had hoped that Rachel was asleep like her friends only to have the brunette turn to face her, her brown eyes open and alert. "Hi." Rachel's normally beautiful voice is hoarse but still recognizable.

"Hey, you gave us quite a scare." Quinn does not mean to be so honest but it's just the two of them and she decides to take the chance.

"And I thought I was the one that was prone to over exaggeration and over the top dramatics." Rachel tempers her words with a small smile, each word coming out in a whisper but at least she still has her voice. She's taken aback to see Quinn blink back tears as she looks away. "Will you stay with me?" The question escapes before she can stop herself. In the end, putting voice to her need and deciding that she cannot always be afraid.

Rachel sees an unreadable expression on Quinn's face and she holds her breath, not wanting to expect the worse but she can see Quinn pull away. "I…I can't." She wants desperately to stay but Beth needs her too. She sees Rachel shut her eyes and turn away, and she reaches out, cupping Rachel's cheek in her hand, wanting the physical connection.

Rachel feels the heat from Quinn's hand and wants to move away but she cannot bring herself break the tenuous connection, knowing that Quinn will leave her anyway, leaving it to her to again hurt her with her words and actions.

"It's Beth. I have to go and see Beth." She hadn't told anyone, except Alex about Beth. Never talking about her or the regret she felt in giving her up even though she knows it was the right decision to make at the time. She sees Rachel turn to her, "She got into an accident. I need to see her, to be with her." Quinn holds tightly onto the bedrail with both her hands now, not wanting to reach out to Rachel again because this should not be about her comfort.

Rachel had been waiting for Quinn to shut her down, for her to say that she didn't want to spend time with her or be with her. She didn't expect to hear of Beth and to then think about Shelby. The mother she never had, the one that she could only appreciate from afar. But here Quinn wanted to go to her daughter; she wanted to be with her. Rachel could empathize completely, knowing what it felt like to be loved but still feel like a piece of herself was missing. Wanting to have her mother there, needing to know where she came from.

Shelby never gave that to her and even though it still hurt like a old war wound that never healed fully, she learnt to deal with it, to accept that some things she couldn't change. She never saw Beth but knows that they have a connection through Shelby and Quinn and she doesn't want Beth to feel the way she does about her mother.

"Go." She smiles at Quinn, this time a full blown Rachel Berry smile, her heart breaking a bit to see Quinn still looking indecisive. "I'll be here when you return or hopefully not here in the hospital but here in New York." She does not add waiting for her but it's implied in her tone as she sees Quinn nod, understanding everything she had said.

Quinn slowly bends down, brushing her lips gently across Rachel's forehead. "I'll see you soon. I promise."

#$#$#$#

The flight and subsequent drive goes by in a blur and before long, Quinn is standing at the entrance of the hospital in Lima, the smell and sounds so familiar but she does not have the protection of her white coat. Here, she's not Dr. Quinn Fabray but just Quinn, mother to a daughter she has not met in sixteen years.

She stops outside the room door, her palm braced open against it but she does not push. Her mind is a jumble of thoughts ranging from worry about Rachel to fear as to how Beth was going to react. Like always though, she remembers that she's Quinn Fabray as she straightens her shoulders and pushes open the door.

She sees two sets of eyes turn to look at her as she takes in her the sight of her daughter, dark blond hair and Noah's eyes. "Hi, Beth, my Name is Quinn Frabray and I'm your biological mother."

**End Pt 12**


	13. Smile

**My Future in Your Hands**

**_Smile, though your heart is aching_ **

**_Smile, even though it's breaking_ **

**_When there are clouds in the sky_ **

**_You'll get by..._ **

**_Charlie Chaplin_ **

Shelby had been kind enough to give her some privacy with Beth, choosing to leave the room after she made sure that Beth was ok with Quinn being there. It hadn't been easy and Quinn didn't expect it to be. However, she also didn't expect to feel so physically drained and to feel hurt at the fact that she's missed out on the her daughter's life.

She does not show any of it though, answering Beth's questions with a smile as she recounts her past exploits in Glee and her current life in New York.

"What about my dad?" Even though Quinn had been expecting the question, her small smile falters because Noah Puckerman was another big regret for her. Initially, she had regretted being with him, trusting him. In the end though, he truly had tried to make up for it. But she had been so hurt, so focused on regaining all that she had lost, that she never gave him the chance to try and when Beth had been born; their only connection with one another disappeared when Shelby took her home.

Quinn had kept tabs on him though; she knows he's still living in Lima. He had bought over Burt Hummel's repair shop, opting to keep the name and doing so well that he had two other branches in western Ohio. He had a flair for fixing up cars and detailing them and surprisingly he had kept in touch with Kurt who had told Mercedes about it all. She had wanted to write or call but never felt the impetus, always stopping because she did not know what to say. "What about your dad?"

Quinn can see the blend of her and Puck in Beth's features and she feels the hurt slowly recede knowing that her daughter grew up without them but she was still loved nonetheless.

"Did he not want me either?" The question hangs between them, the implication being that both she and Puck had abandoned Beth, not wanting her, not loving her enough. It was as far from the truth as possible but also something so difficult and personal to explain. "Mom says I'm high maintenance." The young girl swallows audibly as she looks at the woman sitting in front of her, trying to smile through her words.

"He was the one who named you. He wanted to be there when you were born even if it was only for a short time" Quinn remembers the serenade, they way Puck had looked at her, his eyes filled with promise as he pledged to be there for her and wanting to meet Beth. "We were so young, stupid and reckless but we never regretted you. I never regretted having you." It's the truth and she wants Beth to believe it.

"The second I held you, I wanted so much for you. I wanted you to be happy, to grow up knowing that you were loved and I was afraid that I couldn't do that, that I was not ready to look after you. It was the hardest…it was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it, not regretting it but mourning over this feeling of loss, of not being there for you." She's crying, tears rolling down her face and she sees her daughter swipe at her eyes.

"Are you happy?" It's a question she wants to ask for her peace of mind but also because she needs to know that she had done the right thing all those years ago. She sees her daughter think about the question, as she bites her lower lip between her teeth.

"Yes." Beth had not expected to meet her biological mother or to hear about her genealogy. Quinn Fabray was not who she expected. She was a surgeon, living in New York and she had loved her. She hadn't been abandoned or unwanted and for the short amount of time her biological parents had been there with her, she had been loved by them.

"So why are you trying to destroy it all, with the drinking and driving around?" Quinn had read the police report Shelby had been given. She had gone ashen at the pictures included, knowing that Beth had been extremely lucky to have escaped just with a concussion and a few broken ribs. "Shelby loves you and wants the best for you. She wanted you with all her heart."

Quinn thinks about Rachel and how Shelby had missed her chance with her and knows she cannot afford to do the same. "I'm here if you need me but your mom loves you and you will always be wanted. Always." She hugs her daughter, their tears finally mingling although the matching smiles they are wearing speak of promise.

#$#$#$

Rachel is surrounded by her friends and her dads, her room filled with laughter and love but her smile falters every time the door opens and someone different enters.

"Why did she have to leave?" Tina sits on the edge of the bed, needing to ask the question as she sees Rachel's face fall for the third time when the nurse entered the room. She wants to protect her friend but she can also recognize that Rachel was happier when Quinn was around. It was not an outright tell but she smiled more and it showed.

She can choose to ignore the question or pretend she does not know who she is talking about but Rachel knows how tenacious Tina can be. "She needed to be somewhere else. She made a promise." Rachel looks at her two dads, their arms around each other and wonders if she really has found someone she can lean on. It's not a completely out of left field question. She's just not sure if Quinn wants to be that person for her.

"Is she coming back?" Tina sees Rachel's pensive look and knows that the diva is thinking things over in her head, trying to sort everything out. "So what song is going through your mind right now?" She knows her so well, understanding that she's always been able to express herself better through song, allowing the lyrics to convey all her sentiments.

_All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go_

_I'm standin here outside your door_

_I hate to wake you up to say goodbye_

_But the dawn is breakin its early morn_

_The taxi's waitin he's blowin his horn_

_Already I'm so lonesome I could die_

_So kiss me and smile for me_

_Tell me that you'll wait for me_

_Hold me like you'll never let me go_

_Cause I'm leavin on a jet plane_

_Don't know if I'll be back again_

_Oh babe I hate to go_

She whispers the first few words really, not singing them because she's afraid that she will never sound the same. She doesn't yet have the courage to try. It's Tina who continues with the song, until the room is silent and Rachel pulls her into a hug, when she ends.

#$#$#$

She wants to fly back to New York, back to her life, back to Rachel if she were being completely honest with herself. However, she also knows that she needs to do this for herself as much as for Beth.

"Well as I live and breathe, Quinn Fabray…..What brings a big city doctor like yourself back to the boondocks?" Puck's drawl hasn't changed and neither has his signature look, his ever present Mohawk peeking from underneath the baseball cap he's wearing. She shouldn't have been surprised that he had kept tabs on her like she had on him. Kurt and Mercedes loved to gossip and it was only right that there remained some amorphous tie between them considering they shared a daughter.

"Hello, Noah." She smiles as she walks towards him, unsure of his reaction but emboldened by the fact that he hasn't asked her to leave. "It's been a long time." She sees his smirk and understands that he blames that solely on her.

"I've always been here; it's you who haven't come back." Puck drinks her in, the curve of her neck and her hazel eyes. He could get lost in them, if he wasn't careful. He turns to tidy his workbench, giving himself something to do besides starring at Quinn Fabray.

"Mercedes says you're doing well, three stores and you're engaged to a Grade School teacher?" She sees his shoulders tense and knows that she does not have a right to ask about his life. "I'm happy for you, for what it's worth, I think you deserve it." He turns to look at her, his jaw set and it reminds her so much of their past that she curls her hand around her stomach surprised not to feel a bump there.

"What do you want, Quinn?" His voice is not surly but he needs to know why she's here. He had truly loved her once, only realizing it after the fact. She had left by then, gone to Harvard without looking back without even telling him goodbye. He'll always love her although he's not in love with her and he's glad to finally put that to rest. "Why are you here?" His voice is softer this time.

She's speechless, unsure of what she needs to tell him, what she has to say but she knows that she should start with an apology. "I'm so sorry." It's all encompassing for him. She's sorry she left, sorry for not loving him then and sorry for coming back now and definitely sorry for her next words." I've met Beth." She can see the surprise and pain in his features.

"She's beautiful and she's smart. She has your eyes." Quinn walks towards him, pulling him into a hug. "We did good, giving her up. She's happy." It's not a lie any longer and she needs him to know that.

"I wanted to tell you. And I wanted to know that you're happy too."She pulls back, never expecting to cry so much in one day but it felt cathartic. She had been brought up to believe that she had to hold it all in, to never show her emotions because they made her weak but everything that happened in the last twenty four hours just made her stronger, more resilient. In fact, ever since she met Rachel, she felt more alive, stronger.

His smile could always light up a room and he was unstoppable when he coupled it with his swagger. Puck struts towards the back of his workshop and pulls out two beers from the small fridge in the back, offering one to her. "Yeah, I'm freaking joyful." He means it though as he continues to smile at her, feeling content for the first time in a long while.

#$#$#$

They're both kind of drunk and Quinn had already called for a cab to take her to the airport. But it had been worth it to reminisce, talking about the good times and bad, catching up on local gossip and on Mike and Matt and the rest. Puck had brought up her parents, having seen them about town but she turned away, asking him to tell her about Finn's job coaching college football instead. It's enough that she sends money to her mother but she's never been able to visit or talk to them, knowing that they'll never fully accept her or the changes in her life.

"So Dr. Fabray, now that I've caught you up on all the goings on in Lima, what about you?" Puck leans against her, their shoulders touching.

"What about me?" She feels freer than she felt in a long time; her inhibitions and fears slipping away.

"I told you about Maggie. So it's your turn to spill, anyone special in your life?" He feels her stiffen a bit and knows that she's thinking of someone. He's happy for her too even if she was still as uptight as she had been back in High School. "Who is it and do I have to threaten him to look out for you and treat you right?" He turns to see an enigmatic smile gracing her face as his eyebrows rise at her words.

"No, I don't think you need to threaten ..her." She blames it on the alcohol and dredging up her past but knows that it's more than that. She needs to admit that she has deep feelings for Rachel and although she's pretty sure Rachel only considers her a friend, she does not want to just hide them away either. Reconciling her religious past with this new uncertain future was going to be difficult but this felt right. It was terrifying and daunting but deep down, it didn't feel wrong or bad. "It's not even a start of anything and she's not really going to reciprocate but it's nice to think of someone that way."

He never ever expected to hear those words coming out of Quinn's mouth but again, he never expected her to come back and apologize to him either. "If she doesn't recognize what a catch you are, then I do believe I should have a word or two with her." He cracks his knuckles for added effect, sending her into a fit of giggles.

She can't remember the last time she laughed and it truly felt wonderful. "I'll tell her when I see her." She bends to kiss him on the cheek when she sees the cab pull up. "Thanks, Noah."

"Don't wait another fifteen years to come back."

**End Part 13**


	14. Tonight

**My Future in Your Hands**

**_Today, the world was just an address_ **

**_A place for me to live in_ **

**_No better than alright_ **

**_But here you are,_ **

**_And what was just a world is a star_ **

**_Tonight_ **

**_West Side Story_ **

She knows she should be resting, building up her strength for the last chemoradiation treatment even though with her infection, it will have to be postponed indefinitely. But Quinn had texted, four words that made her heart leap with joy. _'I'm coming back tonight'._ So sleeping really wasn't an option as she bullied her dad into playing gin rummy with her to keep her occupied as she waited for Quinn to show up.

She had decided what she wanted to do, after going over the situation repeatedly in her mind. Rachel finally understood that she needed to address the situation head on. She was going to tell Quinn how she felt and that she wasn't expecting anything in return except her friendship. She had weighed not saying anything in order not to jeopardize their new found status as friends. She knew of Quinn's deeply religious background and was worried that the woman would not accept her or her feelings.

However, Rachel Berry was not someone who could hide her emotions and in this instance, she didn't really want to. She just needed a plan. Something well thought out that would take into considerations any contingencies and all the different possibilities of Quinn's reactions to her words. She has a list in her head of words she should avoid, words like gay and love and forever or any combination thereof, words that would definitely scare Quinn Fabray. To be absolutely honest, the words scare her as well but it was a good kind of scary, not cancer kind of scary.

She still remembers what it was like in High School but now, those experiences seem further away, overtaken by the fact that she feels safe and protected when Quinn is around. She wants to analyze her feeling logically, to ensure that she's not feeling beholden to Quinn because she's her doctor but everything is so tied together. Quinn's promise to her and the conviction in her voice, the fact that for the past ten weeks, she had done everything she had said she would and more.

Rachel's fighting sleep but she suddenly feels so tired. The soft kiss on her forehead reminds her of another although the voice telling her to rest is her father's as she falls into sleep, wishing to hear a different voice.

#$#$#$

The plane landed a bit over an hour ago and instead of going home like any sane person would, Quinn rushes to the hospital. She rationalizes her decision in her mind as the right one as she can have a shower there and change into scrubs. Most importantly, she would be able to keep her promise to Rachel. She has to remind herself that Rachel is her patient and her friend.

She touches her cross, knowing that her feelings are not right in the eyes of her religion and that she may be stepping over her professional line as well and it does give her pause. What she realizes is the fact that she needs to be Rachel's doctor first, to ensure that she received the best possible treatment and knowing that she did so because she cared for her deeply was something that she had to keep to herself.

It wouldn't detract her from spending time with the brunette or being there for her as much as she would allow. Quinn just had to hide her feelings away, keep her emotions in check. She just really needed to see Rachel tonight.

#$#$#

Quinn sees the two men talking quietly outside Rachel's room, immediately recognizing them as Rachel's dads from graduation. They had been so proud, beaming when Rachel's name had been announced, their faces falling only when the sound system crackled back to life and started listing all of their alternative names for Rachel. She hadn't cried or run off though, instead, she had held her head high, collected her diploma and left for New York soon after.

Guilt washes over her as she approaches them, "Excuse me, my name is Dr. Quinn Fabray. I use to go to school with Rachel and I'm currently her primary care physician." She sees some recognition on their faces but is surprised not to see any anger.

"Yes, you used to be in Glee Club together. She always had such fun there." Quinn can tell that he wants to say more, that he remembers that Rachel didn't really have a good experience in high school except when she was performing. "So you're a doctor now, Rachel always said you'd do well." They had loved Rachel from the first moment they set eyes on her.

Always wanting the best for their little girl and it hurt him to see her struggle through school not because of her abilities but because she didn't always fit in. He had tried to always be there for her, asking her to confide in him but she never did tell him everything, even trying to hide her stained clothes or explain away the reason behind changing her outfits in one day.

Deep down, he doesn't know if this woman before him had been one of the people that made Rachel's life difficult but right now, she's the one who can hopefully cure his daughter. "Please, how is she? Is she going to be ok? My…mother and brother both..they both had cancer." He feels his husband's hand take his, pulling him closer into a hug as his voice breaks.

Quinn sees the love between them and it's natural and beautiful, so very different from the façade her parents had. She can't recall a time when her dad would hold her mom without making a comment belittling her in some obtuse way. She never really had a template for love in the Fabray family and this exposure is so new to her. Her father would label it unnatural and wrong but for the life of her, she cannot see anything wrong with the two men before her. All she can see is their love for each other.

She looks down at Rachel's chart in her hand before speaking, "Her fever is under control and her lungs are recovering. Her white blood cell count is too low for our liking and it means we need to reduce external exposure. Gloves and masks for all visitors and shortened visiting hours. She's strong though." Quinn smiles, remembering the fact that Rachel never broke, despite all the challenges she faced, she never broke. She sees the two men nod at her statement before telling her the one thing that she was so hoping to hear.

"She was waiting for you. She didn't want to go to sleep." He holds his husband tighter, knowing that the both of them blame themselves for Rachel's current condition. He also knows a bit about Quinn Fabray, Not everything but enough to know that she was never friends with Rachel in high school although something seems to have changed from his daughter's demeanor.

Tina's impromptu song and Rachel's talk with him all highlighted that his daughter considered Quinn Fabray special. She always had a big heart and he cannot bear to see her hurt even though she's not his little girl any more. He wants to trust her judgment but he also needs to give Quinn a warning.

"Don't hurt her." The word again is left unspoken although the young doctor looks him straight in the eye and does not blink, a silent understanding passing between them, before she enters Rachel's room.

#$#$#$

She hasn't sleep in over two days, her emotions have been on a roller coaster, fear and worry mingled with surprise and acceptance of new possibilities. Quinn adjusts her mask as she looks at Rachel asleep in the bed. If she were being objective, she would see that the diva had lost weight and her hair was not as lustrous as before. She was also too pale, her skin tone so different from the healthy caramel glow.

However, Quinn cannot be objective here, especially since just being in the same room as Rachel is making her feel happier than she has been feeling since she got off the plane. She checks the IV and looks at the chart monitoring Rachel's vitals, grateful that nothing had occurred when she had not been here.

The impetus to touch Rachel is there but she does not follow through, Rachel's dad's words still echoing in her mind. She had really hurt Rachel and it wasn't always in the past as she recalled their fight in her office. She had seen the look on Rachel's face when she called her Treasure Trail and told her about Dave.

Quinn knows that she still had the power to hurt Rachel and try as she might, she wasn't sure if she could promise never to do so again. She really wanted to but in the end, she would never be certain.

"You're thinking too loudly." Rachel's soft voice flows over her, soothing her troubled thoughts.

She had hoped to see Quinn and had to blink a few times to check that the doctor was really in her room, seemingly lost in thought. She sees Quinn eyes flicker up to meet hers and Rachel holds the gaze, taking in how tired and forlorn she looks but also admitting to herself that Quinn looks beautiful regardless.

"I didn't mean to wake you." Quinn pulls a chair by the bed and looks down at her clasped hands in her lap. "How are you feeling?"

Rachel promised herself that she would be honest tonight and that she needed to take the chance, "Better now that you're here." She searches Quinn's face for a reaction and sees her ears and top of her cheeks tinge red as she continued to look down at her hands. Rachel remembers her list and takes a deep breath before preparing to launch into the speech she had primed in her head, only to stop when she sees Quinn quickly stand up and turn around, her hands wrapped around her middle. "Quinn?"

Quinn hears Rachel say her name and her resolve nearly comes undone but she needs Rachel to be ok here, she needs to be her doctor first. "I have to tell you something." She finally turns around to see Rachel looking at her, her eyes expectant. "I don't want to hurt you." Rachel eyes widen but she does not interrupt.

"I want to be your doctor and your friend and I don't want to hurt you." Quinn knows she's not really making much sense and is relieved to see Rachel not saying anything as yet, allowing her to say what she needs. "Only, I don't have a great track record of doing that, do I?" it's a rhetorical question although she does see Rachel open her mouth as she arches her eyebrow.

"Quinn, I." She sees the look of determination on Quinn's face and she stops.

"We need to get you well and back on stage where you belong." She wants to say so much more, to tell Rachel that she needs to do this on so many levels; all her emotions intertwined with her sense of duty. "I need you to get better first." As always with Quinn, what she doesn't say is just as important as what she does.

Rachel can see Quinn struggling with her words, as if she had so much more to say but could not articulate it eloquently enough for her to understand. "I want…" ' _you'_ The word is on the tip of Rachel's tongue. But she sees Quinn struggling and it breaks her heart to want to add to her load.

"I want to get better too. This inactivity and force confinement all day and not talking is really overrated. I am incredibly ready to push forward and fight this. Fight for this." She stresses the last few words and sees Quinn finally breathe out as if relieved. Rachel looks away then, not wanting Quinn to see the sheen of tears forming in her eyes. She had finally said it though, hoping that Quinn picked up on her words. She truly hopes that Quinn can divine the meaning of them.

Quinn does not realize she's holding her breath until Rachel speaks and even then, Rachel finally looks away. She had promised herself that tonight would be the start of something different and so far, she hasn't really been able to express what she needs to. In the end, she realizes that she's always been better with showing what she wants than just talking as compared to Rachel.

Rachel's eyes widen as she sees Quinn step towards her, bending down as their foreheads touch and she sees Quinn's eyes close as their breaths mingle. She feels the soft touch of Quinn's lips on her cheek before the doctor pulls back their gazes locked onto each other, both realizing that they've forged a different connection tonight, one that they're not ready to verbalize but a connection nonetheless.

**End Pt 14**


	15. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

**My Future in Your Hands**

**_So don't go breaking my heart_ **

**_I won't go breaking your heart_ **

**_Don't go breaking my heart_ **

**_Elton John & Kiki Dee_ **

Tina hates the fact that the hospital has become so familiar to her as she wanders into the cafeteria looking for Quinn. The only thing they had to look forward to was the fact that today would be the last day of treatment for Rachel. She had endured five and a half months of chemoradiation and hopefully, it was finally coming to an end. She had stayed over in the hospital when she came for her last treatment two days ago and although she was still weak, all signs pointed to the fact that the treatments had really worked.

She spots Quinn sitting at one of the tables facing the bay windows, her head resting on her arm as she looked over the stack of files in front of her. Tina would never in a million years have guessed that Quinn would become so important to their lives. Yet, she really had. She had been with Rachel every time she came in for treatment and would stay with her when the side effects became more prominent.

Quinn had been the only one able to comfort Rachel when she had lost some of her hair. The doctor had spent an hour on the floor outside Rachel's locked bedroom recounting the time Santana had taken revenge on her by putting chewing gum in her hair and how she had to wear extensions for a few months as Coach Sylvester insisted all the cheerios maintain their long hair if they wanted to stay on the squad. She had finally told Rachel that she was beautiful regardless and sounded so sincere that Rachel couldn't help but open the door.

Tina takes the seat opposite the doctor. "How's she doing today?" Quinn contemplates the question before answering, wanting to give the unbiased answer but failing as her voice is filled with emotion and breaks with her words.

"She's in pain, the proton therapy has minimized damaged to the surrounding healthy tissue but it's still radiation." Rachel's gums were bleeding and she had lost a total of seventeen pounds such that each time Quinn hugged her, she could feel her ribs. It took so much out of her to remain optimistic and happy and Quinn knew that sometimes Rachel did it just for her so that none of them would worry. "Her vocal cords have been relatively untouched though." It's the one thing that she knows has made Rachel keep fighting through the pain and hair loss. It's the one thing that kept her going as well each time she reviewed Rachel's scans and test results.

"You care about her." It's not a question but a statement that Tina needs to make because she needs Quinn to understand that they all love Rachel and would do anything not to see her hurt. She sees Quinn freeze at her words and wonders if the doctor has acknowledged her feelings to herself.

Since the day she flew back from Ohio, Quinn and Rachel never really talked about what they meant to each other. Quinn was happy just to be in Rachel's life, to support her when she needed it and to ensure that she was taken care of in every possible way. Rachel on the other hand would take every opportunity to have a physical link to Quinn whenever they were together. She would hold her hand, or lean against her shoulder or just be content to sit next to her, their legs or shoulders touching. Quinn was waiting for Rachel's treatment to end and she had a feeling that Rachel was letting her choose the time, not wanting to push but letting her know that she was there.

So, Tina's words are like a catalyst of sorts, pushing her to finally admit it out loud. "Yeah, I do." Her words are softly spoken as she stares out the window, a small smile gracing her lips as she thinks about Rachel. "I care about her very much."

"But you haven't really spoken about it." Again, it is a rhetorical question because she knows that despite her constant presence by Rachel's side, Quinn had remained relatively reticent, accepting Rachel's physical overtures but not overtly addressing where it might lead to eventually. She sees Quinn's arched eyebrow as the doctor stares at her, waiting to see where exactly Tina was going with this.

"Then you're going to need to tell her before these hits the newsstands." Tina places the pictures down on the table. Picture of Quinn and Rachel walking hand and hand in Central Park, of them leaving the hospital, of Quinn entering Rachel's building late at night and leaving in the morning. Pictures highlighting something that they had not acknowledged to each other, at least not in the way she could picture the headlines proclaiming.

"Where did you get these?" Quinn studies the one of them walking in Central Park. She remembers the day so clearly; Rachel hadn't been eating and she was at her wits end. Her sense of taste had been affected early on and Quinn had taken to cooking at Rachel's apartment, trying to tempt her with the smell of freshly baked bread and eggplant parmesan. Even then, Rachel could barely eat and Quinn had finally suggested a picnic in the park. Surprisingly, Rachel had agreed and they spent the next few hours on the slope of Cherry Hill near Wagner's cove. Rachel had managed to eat half the meal and Quinn couldn't stop smiling the whole afternoon.

"Marcie's been trying to monitor the news stories. Giving them updates where she can so that they won't print any more pictures of Rachel. There's…more." Tina actually truly believes that Quinn has changed and was not the same mean cheerleader she was in high school and that she was a great doctor. However, in some ways, she was still the same, the way she would arch her eyebrow or finger the small gold cross hanging from her neck. A symbol of her religion that would definitely frown upon what Quinn ahd Rachel were flirting with.

Being Rachel's friend was one thing but Tina could see that Rachel wanted more. She didn't say anything but each time Quinn was there, she saw Rachel light up and it worried her that Rachel was going to expect more than what the doctor could actually give. Rachel's relationship with Lisa had shown that she was open to love. Tina just wasn't sure if Quinn would ever feel the same way. "Along with the pictures, the Post is going to run an interview with Lisa Pascal. She's a dancer and she and Rachel use to date. We made sure it never became public. We needed to protect Rachel. The story was filled with lies and half truths and it would have devastated her."

Quinn doesn't know how to react. She doesn't care about Rachel's past relationships or about what will be said about her in the papers. It's the fact that the story had been killed was what she focused on. Rachel had not wanted that relationship to be made public and by extrapolation, she needed to ensure that likewise, this new story was also stopped. "So, I'll go on record that I'm just Rachel's doctor and old friend. Nothing more." She hates to lie, but she also made a promise to herself that she would try her best never to hurt Rachel again and the Tina's implication that the story could hurt her gave her the impetus to do something.

Tina's not surprised by Quinn's words even though she feels crushed on Rachel's behalf. She had expected as much though and like before, she needed to ensure that Rachel knew the situation before she got hurt. Caring about Rachel was different from loving her and Tina wished that Quinn would take the chance but her words had been clear and she had wanted to confirm that they were just good friends. "I'll tell Marcie that she can quote you for the interview and confirm that the pictures are not what they seem."

Quinn ducks her head as she hears Tina make the call, wishing that she could just be honest and not care about anything except Rachel. The problem was that Rachel cared and like Tina had stated, she needed to protect her even if it meant lying about how she felt and denying what was painfully obvious from the pictures taken.

#$#$#$

Rachel's softly humming to herself, no words but just the melody, a song that she's been thinking about every time she's with Quinn. She remembers Mr. Schue talking to them about their journey, the long road it took them to get to Regionals that first year and she sees the parallels so clearly.

The long road from being nemesis in high school to something more than friends right now.

_And being a part ain't easy on this love affair_

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again_

_I get the joy of rediscovering you_

_Oh girl_

_You stand by me!_

_I'm forever yours_

_Faithfully_

She doesn't realize she's singing until she hears Quinn's soft gasp. Her voice is rough, more due to unused than anything else but her vocal resonation and timbre seemingly still pitch perfect as she sings the last word, her eyes meeting Quinn's.

She had been so afraid to sing, convincing herself that she needed to protect her vocal cords, to rest them and not even try because she couldn't deal with knowing that despite all the treatments and work done by Quinn, her voice was still affected.

Rachel smiles even as she sees a stray tear fall from Quinn's hazel eyes before she brushes it away with her hand. "Hey." For the first time in months, she doesn't feel like Rachel Berry, the cancer patient but Rachel Berry, the Broadway star. In fact, she feels more brave and much stronger than she had in quite a while. "The song was meant for you if you haven't already figured it out. I know we haven't exactly had a lengthy conversation or even a brief one with regards to this growing attraction between us and I don't want to push you into.."

With each word, Quinn steps forward until she's standing next to Rachel, finally looking down at her before cutting her off, not with words but with a kiss. It really hadn't been Quinn's intention but when she looked down, she finally realized that she didn't want to deny something that made sense in her head, something that felt so right.

Her hand reaches up and cups Rachel's face as she feels Rachel's hand in her hair, pulling her closer. The kiss is searing yet full of promise, a kiss that does not burn too quickly but a pledge of things to come.

Quinn reluctantly pulls back, as she breathes in, "Wow." She sees Rachel's eyes are still closed as she caresses her cheek. "Rachel?"

"Tell me if I open my eyes, you're still going to be there." The plea in Rachel's voice almost breaks her heart but she feels the same way, amazed at what has happened and hoping that Rachel's not going to open her eyes and deny her either.

"I'm not going anywhere." The words are spoken with conviction only the situation is not solely in her control as her pager goes off. She looks down to see a 911 page and for once wishes she were not here as a doctor but just for Rachel.

"Go." Rachel knows how much her job means to her as well as how good she is at it. "I'll be here when you're done." She does not expect the quick kiss but accepts it as she pushes forward again catching Quinn's lips one more time before she walked out of her hospital room.

#$#$#$

Quinn did not expect to be in surgery for sixteen hours but the fire that had engulfed the warehouse had also resulted in five burn victims. All of whom required careful dermabrasions and skin grafts. She and her team had managed though and it felt great to give good news to all the family members waiting outside. The victims had a long road of recovery ahead of them but with the help and love of their families, she knew that they would all do fine.

All she wanted to do now was to have a quick shower and go back to kissing Rachel or at least checking up on her and if she was awake, kissing sounded pretty damn good. It felt amazing to finally admit her feelings and act on them; to let Rachel know that she was special and meant so much to her. All she really had wanted was time. Not time to get use to her feelings but time for Rachel to get better. And now that she was, there was nothing holding her back. Rachel didn't need her as her doctor and she wanted to be more than that for Rachel as well.

She can't help herself though as she exits on the fourth floor instead of the fifth, just wanting to quickly say hi to Rachel. She's surprised to see the room empty as she gazes around, finally noticing the morning paper by the empty bed. Her heart clenches as she reads the large headlines on page six proclaiming an expose on Rachel Berry's explosive past and her unrequited current love for the doctor treating her.

"No." She's speaking to an empty room, wishing that Rachel was there so she could explain why she said what she did but Rachel was not there. She had read the paper, had read what Quinn had been quoted as saying and Quinn realizes that she hadn't managed to keep her promise after all because she had once again hurt Rachel despite all her best intentions not to.

**End Pt 15**


	16. What I Did For Love

**M** **y Future In Your Hands**

**_Gone,_ **

**_Love is never gone._ **

**_As we travel on,_ **

**_Love's what we'll remember._ **

**_Kiss today goodbye,_ **

**_And point me t'ward tomorrow._ **

**_We did what we had to do._ **

**_Won't forget, can't regret_ **

**_What I did for_ **

**_Love_ **

**_A Chorus Line_ **

She can hear Quinn's anxious voice, calling her name, asking for a chance to explain overlapping with Marcie's more strident tone as she tells Quinn that Rachel does not want to see her, that she never wants to see her again. Rachel had expected to hear from her and Quinn had not disappointed as she texted and called and showed up at her apartment about twenty minutes ago.

It was Marcie who had brought the paper to the hospital that morning, apologizing profusely for the article's slant and informing Rachel that they could threaten to sue. She didn't care all that much about Lisa's interview or the pictures printed. However, the only thing that caught her eye was Quinn's name as well as the fact the she had been quoted in the article. The writer had done some research and had uncovered Quinn's religious background and her singular focus in her work, citing her as one of the youngest ever winners of the Lasker award. She had questioned Marcie mercilessly, and in the end, Marcie had confirmed that Quinn agreed to go on record to deny that they had anything more than a doctor patient relationship. Tina had been there when it happened and Rachel finally understood that Quinn had not been misquoted.

Quinn had kissed her but at the same time; she had proclaimed in print that she had no romantic feelings for Rachel. She felt betrayed and so stupid; realizing the reason that Quinn never overtly admitted her feelings for her was probably due to the fact that she didn't really feel the same way or as strongly. Perhaps she had felt sorry for Rachel and went along with it because she felt pity for her.

Rachel had to admit that Quinn really had changed from the cold-hearted cheerleader persona she had in high school. However, the one thing that perhaps didn't change was the fact that she still could not trust Quinn, at least not with her heart. Quinn may have kissed her in the heat of the moment but in the end, she had admitted that she didn't have the same level of feelings that Rachel obviously had for her. She just wasn't strong enough to survive more heartbreak at the hands of Quinn Fabray.

"She doesn't seem to be going away." Tony doesn't have the whole story, only what his wife had told him and witnessing the subsequent confrontation between Quinn and Marcie that was still ongoing. He sees Rachel retreat to her room, like even hearing Quinn's voice was hurting her. "Are you ok?" He shuts the door behind him, finally shutting out Quinn's voice and can see the relief on her face.

"No, no, I don't think I am." He's seen her at her worse and she's sure she's eclipsed that state by quite a fair bit right now. She feels his arms encircle her and tears prick her eyes but she does not want to cry any more, knowing that it really wouldn't make a difference. "I thought she really had changed, that we were starting over and building something new, something special. I guess the joke's on me because I wanted more and I assumed she did too with the kiss. Except maybe she was just trying to be a good friend and I ..."

Tony had read the article in the Post and really couldn't argue against Rachel's logic except he couldn't explain the kiss either. Quinn Fabray had done everything she could to ensure Rachel got better and she did, he just wished that the doctor could see beyond that. "Maybe…" He's not sure if he should broach the subject but he can't bear to see Rachel blame herself either. "As your doctor, she could get into a lot of trouble if she showed any romantic interest in you. Maybe that's why she said what she said."

It sounded plausible but in the end, she's not sure if she wanted to take another chance with Quinn. She would always be indebted to her for helping her through her cancer but opening her heart to her was something she really couldn't afford to do, not again. She understands what she needs to say as she gets up and goes towards her front door where she can still hear Quinn's pleading voice.

"Quinn." She hears Rachel call her name and breathes a sigh of relief as stares at Rachel, taking her in. She opens her mouth, ready to apologize, ready to explain only she sees Rachel's eyes, the hurt and the tears shimmering in them and hears her voice, cold and devoid of emotion. So unlike Rachel that the words die in her throat.

"I..I wanted to thank you for everything that you've done for me and I will always be extremely appreciative and indebted for your time and your medical expertise. I guess I should also apologize for mistaking my gratitude for anything more than that and I am truly sorry that you had to witness my unwarranted advances." She sees Quinn about to respond and cuts her off, "No, please, this is difficult enough as it is and I realize that I wasn't really expecting or wanting anything more from you than what you have already given me. You've given me back my life so at least leave me with my dignity. Please just go. Please" her voice breaking on the last word as she looks away, not wanting to look at Quinn any longer because it would hurt too much.

Quinn knows that she's hurt Rachel, this time irreparably and she was now asking for the one thing she doesn't want to do. She knows she could apologize but she can see that it wouldn't make a difference as Rachel was already hurt. She wants to stay, to stand there and plead her case. However the plea in Rachel's voice and the hurt in her eyes is enough to make her acquiesce as she nods and turns away.

#$#$#$#

"Quinn, are you sure you want to do this?" Alex takes a close look at her, noting the bags under her eyes and the way her shoulders slump. That alone is enough to worry him but the article before him creates a whole new level of worry. "If you submit this and it's printed, the board will have no choice but to suspend you pending an investigation. You're putting your future on the line."

Quinn had spent the last week vacillating between just going over to Rachel's and shouting until she listened or taking a different route because Rachel was special and deserved so much more. "It's the truth." She had written the Open Editorial a few days ago, putting everything she felt and thought into a thousand words or so. Explaining how she's managed to bridge the gap between religion and medicine but in the end what keeps her going is her love for her patients. Except, she fell in love with one of them and even though she kept it to herself, it showed because she tried everything and more to ensure that that patient made it. She's not sure if it made her a better doctor but she knows she's a better person for it.

"It's already been submitted and will be in tomorrow's Times." She had to call in a favor from one of her Harvard roommates to have her piece printed but in the end, it was honest and raw and they would have accepted it regardless. "I need to do this; I need to ensure that she knows that it wasn't just her. That I love her but I had to make sure she was ok first. I need to make this right and she deserves to know everything."

Alex has never seen her like this, infused with passion but of a different kind and he realizes that she deserves to be happy, to have more than her job, more than just the hospital and her patients to look forward to. "I'll talk to the Board."

"No, I'll take the suspension. It'll give me time to think. Besides, I've been missing some hours at the free clinic since I've been Rachel's….for the past few months." Her conscience is clear with respect to the ethics of her job but deep down she doesn't care if the Board doesn't agree with her. Rachel needed to come in for her last scan tomorrow and her being suspended also made it easy on the both of them. She wouldn't be tempted to seek Rachel out and the diva would get her wish to not see Quinn.

She knows that she owes it to Rachel. She's just not sure if she deserved another chance though, having squandered the last few. In the end, all she wants is for Rachel to be safe and happy and to know that it was never her intention to hurt her. That if given the chance, she wouldn't do anything different except she would have told Rachel of the interview.

#$#$#$#

Rachel was supposed to be resting, recuperating from her treatments and preparing for her last scan today. She had spent the last week at Tina's apartment, going over songs for her next album and trying not to think of Quinn but failing miserably. She had caught herself typing text messages of a few songs to the doctor only to stop before she pressed send. She justified she was doing the right thing though because the hurt of a fractured heart now was bearable compared to full blown heartache later. She couldn't afford to let Quinn have so much power over her because she would never recover.

"Are you ready to go?" Tina had wished things had turned out differently. She had seen Rachel happy despite her illness and knew it had everything to do with Quinn. The problem was that they had too much of a shared past and she wasn't sure if Quinn could bridge that gap or if Rachel would have let her. "I've confirmed that Dr. Drew will be the only one present and Marcie says Harry Llewellyn needs to discuss something with you so he's going to drop by too."

Rachel nods, relieved that she wasn't going to see Quinn today but still feeling like a part of her was still missing.

#$#$#$

"Rachel, you're looking good. You remember Dr. Lee? She's going to assist me with your MRI."

She can't help but be reminded of Quinn's words and touches as she is being prepped. Quinn knew she didn't like the silence and confined space so each time she had an MRI done, Quinn had managed to be there, singing softly into the mic as the machine whirred around her. This time, there are only her thoughts to keep her company. But at least the experience is over relatively quickly. She dresses in silence trying to ignore the sense of loss that was seeping into her conciousness.

She sees the smiling faces of the two doctors and realizes that at last, it's good news. "Am I in remission?" the hopefulness laced in her voice is only eclipsed by the smiles on the doctors' faces as she sees Dr. Drew nod.

"There is always a possibility of recurrence and we need to monitor you for the next five years but as of right now, you're in remission. The treatments were a success." He accepts her hug, happy that he's played a part in curing her although he knows that Dr. Fabray deserves a lot more credit and he hopes that her career would not get derailed with her recent published admission. He sees the Chairman of the Board of Trustees waiting by the door and hopes that Rachel Berry realizes that she holds Quinn's future in her hands.

"Ms. Berry, Rachel, it's good to see you smiling. May I have a word?"

Rachel can see Dr. Drew stiffen and wonders what is going on as he softly tells her, "before you decide anything, you should read the Op Ed in the Times today."

"Um, sure. " the answer is meant for both of them as she looks at Harry, wondering what he needed to say and not ever expecting his next words.

"I am glad you're ok and I am sorry to spring this on you but the Hospital Board needs a statement from you regarding Dr. Quinn Fabray. She's currently on suspension and we need to know from you if she ever over-stepped her boundary as your primary care physician when she was treating you?" It's difficult for him to ask the question because he respects Quinn as a doctor and Rachel was like family. The thought that one of them or both could be hurt by this makes it an almost impossible task. However, he has a duty to the hospital and cannot shirk away from it.

"What? I don't understand. Quinn...Dr. Fabray did everything in her power to ensure that I got the treatments and my voice was protected. Why is she on suspension?" Rachel feels the tendrils of fear building up, not fear for herself but for Quinn.

"It would seem that during the course of your treatment, Dr. Fabray developed feelings for you. She admitted as much in the open editorial that was published in the Timesthis morning. If she said anything to you, behaved in anyway untoward, it will be brought up to the Board. "

In all her thirty three years, Rachel had never been rendered speechless. Even after her second Tony win when she was not the odds on favorite. When her name had been announced, she was ready with a speech and managed to convey her appreciation and thanks despite her utter surprise. At this moment though, all she could think of was that Quinn had admitted that she had feelings for her, in the New York Times, no less. She had put her career on the line for her. She sees the newspaper tucked under his arm and asks, "Can I read it?"

The eloquence of the article stuns her, not because she does not expect it of Quinn but because she does not expect Quinn to see her that way. _'...she was extraordinary, beautiful within and without and I was a better person for knowing her. In allowing me into her life, trusting me when she didn't have a reason to, she allowed me to be the best possible doctor I could be. She made me want to be better for her and for all my patients...'_

"She loves you." Tina's been reading the article over her shoulder and says the words out loud. "She really does love you." Her arm tightens around Rachel as she sees her stagger back.

"She never told me. All the time we spent together, she had been totally focused on trying to get me better. I ... hoped... I wanted her to tell me but she never did." Rachel knows how important Quinn's job is and the fact that she was an immensely talented doctor. She couldn't say anything to jeopardize that.

Harry nods, a relieved expression on his face. "Thank you. I'll tell the Board." he briefly touches her arm, "I'm glad you're ok." before turning to leave. Only to be stopped by Rachel's final words, hoping she would ask the question as he turns towards her again, this time smiling.

"Do you know where she is?"

**End Pt 16**


	17. Somebody To Love

**My Future In Your Hands**

**_Oh Lord_ **

**_Somebody – somebody_ **

**_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_ **

**_Queen_ **

"Come on sweetie, smile for me, please? Come on Carmen." Quinn says the words softly as she examines her handiwork and checks that the stitches have dissolved. She sees Carmen's mom sitting anxiously by her side and her next words are directed at her, "Don't worry Mrs. Sanchez, everything looks great and there it is." The smile lighting up the little girl's face allows her, for just a moment, to forget the ache in her heart.

Quinn writes a prescription for some anti-scarring cream and hands it to the little girl, accepting a hug in return. She's actually grateful for being able to be here. The centre Director had scoffed when she broached the subject of only coming in if he got the sign-off from the rest of the doctors. She didn't want to burden him with having to explain her suspension. However, he had told her she was always welcome and although he wanted her there, he was still going to write to Alex and the Board and demand her reinstatement.

She looks at her watch and knows she can squeeze in one more patient before lunch as she looks around the waiting room, spotting Mrs. Charles, holding her granddaughter in her arms. But it's the short brunette sitting in the corner that catches her eye and causes her to freeze.

Rachel wished she took Tina and Marcie's offer up to accompany her but in the end, she realized she needed to do this on her own. And if it didn't work out, they were anxiously waiting downstairs, ready to whisk her away and let her cry on their shoulders. She's clutching the newspaper in her hands, as she stands up when she hears Quinn start to speak.

"Mrs. Charles, I can see you now, why don't you go into the office and I'll be right in." She watches the woman slowly walk to the examination room, before turning back to Rachel. Her throat is dry and she blinks a couple of times to really check that Rachel is standing there before her. It's only when she realizes that Rachel had her last MRI today does she react, worry coloring her voice. "Are you ok, what did Dr. Drew say? Was there anythnig wrong with the scan?" THe questions tumble out as she stares blatantly at Rachel, trying to discern any sign that would indicate that she was still unwell, that the treatments were not a success. She feels time slow down as she waits for Rachel to speak.

Rachel can see Quinn holding her breath, her eyes wide as she looks at her, her normal features, pale and anxious with worry. "No..I mean, yes, I'm in remission. The scans were clean." she sees Quinn hand go over her heart as if to slow it down as she lets out the breath she had been holding.

Rachel was fine, she was in remission and she was standing before her, whole and healthy. All these thoughts are racing through her mind as she tries to figure out what she needs to do. "I...Mrs. Charles...I need to see her. Did you come for an appointment?" the words again tumble out disjointed like her thoughts as she continues to stare at Rachel, content to just look at her, knowing that she was finally alright.

"I don't want an appointment." She sees Quinn slowly nod her head, taking in her words, trying to keep the disappointment from showing on her face. "In fact, I don't want you to be my doctor anymore." She looks at Quinn as the doctor closes her eyes and lowers her head, her fingers curled into fists at her sides.

She tells herself that knowing Rachel is finally ok is enough, that seeing her this one last time will carry her through the times to come. She never expected to see Rachel again and this was a gift of sorts. So Quinn forces her eyes open to look at her, understanding that it would be for the last time. She's surprised to see Rachel now standing before her, almost toe to toe as she looks down into her deep brown eyes, wishing that things had turned out differently as she hears Rachel reiterate her last words.

"I don't want you to be my doctor... Because I wouldn't be able to do this if you were." Rachel reaches up, her arms going around Quinn's neck as she pulls her in, her head tilted up, her eyes open as she finally initiates the first kiss. At least she hopes the first of many more to come. Quinn is stunned as she feels Rachel's soft lips on hers, teasing hers, as her tongue flicks out and Quinn loses all train of thought, only focusing on Rachel's supple lips on hers.

"This is where you're supposed to kiss me back."Rachel pulls back and whispers in her ear, her voice low and a little unsure. To be fair, Quinn wasn't pushing her away and she could feel the soft push of Quinn's lips on hers. She just expected more.

"I...um...I.." she graduated summa cum laude at Harvard and was in the top ten per cent at John Hopkins but just the feel of Rachel's body flushed against hers and her lips a tantalizing inch away was enough to drive all intelligent thoughts out of Quinn's mind, her synapses are still firing but all she could register was Rachel, all her senses focused on the brunette diva before her as she bent down to capture Rachel's lips once more.

"Mmmmhmmm. I could do this all day." Rachel breathes out, their noses touching as she sees Quinn smile, her eyes still closed.

"Tell me you're still going to be there, when I open my eyes." The words are so familiar but so is the crashing realization that she had hurt Rachel and was unsure if she'll ever be able to stop doing it. "Although maybe you shouldn't be here…"

Quinn finally opens her eyes to see Rachel staring up at her, confusion on her face but she does not let go, instead, she looks expectant, wanting Quinn to say whatever was on her mind. She's finally made her choice, by being here, she's admitting to wanting something more with Quinn but she also finally appreciates that Quinn is frightened, not of her but of hurting her. She had stated as much before and it makes her fall just a little bit more in love with the doctor.

She sees Quinn hesitate, trying to formulate words but she also notes the old lady peering out of the doctor's office, her eyebrows raised as she looked on at the two women embracing in the waiting area.

"I'm not going anywhere although perhaps Mrs. Charles may be if you don't see what she needs." Rachel finally releases Quinn, already feeling bereft at the loss of contact but not wanting to push Quinn into anything just yet. She was going to try and be a bit patient even though all she really wants to do is to hold onto Quinn and not let go.

Quinn's head whips round as she sees Mrs. Charles looking at them before she goes back into the room. She does not feel embarrassed to be caught holding Rachel but she does feel the need to at least do the job she had volunteered to do as she takes a step back, still looking at Rachel. "Are you sure you want to wait for me?"

Rachel has a feeling that Quinn's question encompasses more than just their current predicament as she nods, smiling before settling down on one of the plastic chairs.

"Always."

#$#$#$

She's smiling too as she enters the small office, "Sorry for the wait, Mrs. Charles. What can I do for you and Ruby today?" She sees the woman cradle her granddaughter in her arms and sits at the edge of the desk facing them.

The old woman had sees a lot in her fifty plus years and she's not surprised by the fact that the young doctor was unafraid of showing affection in public even if it was to another woman. She was happy for her. "Seeing how you're sweet on that girl outside, I just need you to give Ruby her Influenza shot and we'll be on our way." The accompanying blush informs her that she not far wrong in her assessment although the young doctor's face shows some uncertainty.

"You are sweet on her, aren't you?" Quinn busies herself with preparing for the shot as she considers her answer. It's not that she's confused or wants to deny her feelings. It's the fact that she's never really been in love and everything she's been experiencing is new and terrifying.

"How do you know?..If you're in love?" She gently takes Ruby in her arms, as she asks the question; needing to put her feelings into context. The euphoria she feels is only overshadowed by the sheer panic that's building up within her. Panic that she's just going to hurt Rachel again because she's never been in a relationship that lasted more than a few months, fear that she'll do or say the wrong thing. Fear that she'll inevitably hurt Rachel again.

"Well, I guess it's different for different people but the one thing that matters is the fact that you want to be better for that person and most importantly, you accept everything about her because it's everything about her that makes you happy." Her husband had been the love of her life. He had been everything to her, loving her and their family until he passed on last year.

It had been because of his love that she continued to push on despite her daughter leaving her broke and with a granddaughter to look after. "Mr. Charles, bless his soul, used to say being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. So I guess the question you have to answer is how brave do you feel?"

She gives Ruby the shot, smiling into her eyes, ensuring that the prick from the needle is swift and as painless as she can administer before she hands the baby back to Mrs. Charles; All the while, going over her question in her head. _'How brave was she?'_

Quinn finally realizing that she would have never written into the Times or stood out in the open, kissing and holding onto Rachel as if her life depended on it. She wouldn't have been able to go back to Lima or talk to Noah either. She loved Rachel Berry but more importantly, she was in love with her and had been for some time.

"Thank you." Her words are heartfelt as she bends down to give the old woman a hug.

"You deserve to be loved." The woman returns the hug, glad that she's finally able to return the favor to the doctor who's taken care of her and her family without asking for anything in return.

#$#$#$

Patience has never been one of Rachel's strengths. She's always wanted things too badly, pushing herself and those around her to do better, aim higher. Waiting around for things to just fall into place, for something to happen never got her anywhere. Except, right now, all she could do was wait.

She holds her hands in her lap as she glances at the closed door, going over all the possible scenarios in her head. Wondering if Quinn would profess her feelings outright or if she would just show them like she did when she kissed her back. She pushes away the notion that Quinn might not want to take the risk. She knows its still a real possibility but she deserves to be happy and at least until the door opened, she was just going to think positive good thoughts.

Rachel's on her feet the second the door opens, trying not to look anxious but probably failing miserably as she sees woman with the baby give her an understanding look as she pats her on the arm when she passes her by.

She knew she was taking a chance and does not regret coming here or showing Quinn what she meant to her. Rachel sees Quinn leaning against the open door, her expression unreadable but a small smile tugging the side of her mouth as she arches her eyebrow.

It's all the invitation Rachel needs as she launches herself at Quinn, the doctor catching her around her waist, their lips meeting again.

This time, both women working in synchrony, finally travelling on the same path, acknowledging that they're meant to be together. Each kiss is now punctuated with a word.

"I" Quinn's hand caresses Rachel's cheek.

"Love" Rachel smiles as she says the word, her hands tighten around Quinn's neck.

 _"You."_ The final word echoing in their minds as the kiss deepens.

**The End**


	18. Epilogue

**My Future In Your Hands**

**Epilogue/Prologue**

_**This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love: the more they give, the more they possess.** _

_**Rainer Maria Rilke** _

Her pager goes off and Quinn jerks awake, her hand grabbing hold of the device, hoping to silence it before it woke Rachel up. She can feel her stir as she holds her breath, only, she hears Rachel's soft voice, "Do you have to go?"

Quinn turns around to look at Rachel, her hand tracing the side of the brunette's beautiful face, trailing down her neck as she feels Rachel shudder beneath her fingertips. She really does not want to leave the warmth of their bed or to forgo the time she has with Rachel. "I don't want to go.."

She sees Rachel smile at her, a look full of understanding and love that it takes her breath away. "I know which is why though I do not like the thought of you abandoning me here bereft and alone, I understand that you need to go and do your job." Rachel tempers her words with a small smile and goes a step further as she guides Quinn's hand to her lips, kissing her palm, before leaning in to capture Quinn's lips.

She hears the pager go off again and groans into the kiss, wishing not for the first time that she had chosen law or business over medicine; any job that wouldn't drag her away from Rachel in the middle of the night. It was definitely a completely new experience for her to have someone she did not want to leave and most definitely wanted to come back to.

It had only been a month since Rachel had turned up at the free clinic and in that span of thirty days they had managed to spend only four days apart and that was due to Quinn's surgery schedule. Quinn's love of cooking meant that more often than not, they would end up at her place because as she delicately put it, her kitchen was set up for more than just take out.

Otherwise, they would pick up their orders from Blossom and spend the time, weather permitting, on Rachel's terrace, overlooking the Park. Their routine almost happening by serendipity, with no arguments as to where to go or what to do, both of them just enjoying being with each other. Exploring their newfound closeness and reveling in their physical connection.

To be honest, they were still so new into their relationship but it wasn't as if they had started off as complete strangers although their past history was something that Quinn knew she still needed to make up for. Rachel had forgiven her, going as far as to ban her from apologizing for her appalling behavior.

" _It's in the past and you're a different person now. I don't need you to apologize for something that I know you have no intention of ever repeating. I mean unless you are going to install a slushie machine in your kitchen, I think I am completely safe." Rachel smiles as she makes her way to the refrigerator to help herself to a bottle of vitamin water she knows Quinn keeps just for her._

" _I'm still sor."_

" _No" Rachel cuts her off, this time whirling around to face her, a solemn expression on her face."I have forgiven you." She enunciates each word as her hand unconsciously twists the cap on the bottle belying her words to an extent. And she knows that Quinn has also picked up on it._

" _It's not something I think about." Her words are softer as she turns to walk towards the living room only to feel Quinn's arms around her waist, stilling her movement. She leans back slightly, feeling her weight supported by Quinn, knowing that the blonde's presence means a lot more. "It's like it happened to the both of us but to the other us." She shakes her head as if clearing her thoughts as she feels Quinn's breath on her neck._

_Rachel's always been good with words and she knows she can explain this because Quinn is giving her the time she needs, not saying anything but just holding her. "But we're so different now, it seems a shame to focus on past mistakes knowing that we're never going to purposefully hurt each other like that." It's been something she's thought about in quite a lot of detail._

" _I'm hereby banning you from ever apologizing to me for whatever you did in high school." She feels Quinn stiffen and knows she wants to protest, but it's a test of sorts on her part, wanting to show Quinn that she does trust her and even if she hasn't really forgiven the old Quinn, she loves and trusts the new Quinn._

"It's probably Mrs. Lowell. I'm almost sure she has Meniere's Disease and has been misdiagnosed for years. I told the service to call me if she has another attack so I can do a few more tests and hopefully treat her correctly." Quinn pulls on a new shirt as she looks around already a bit lost in her head as she thinks through the tests she wants to do in order to hopefully improve the quality of Mrs. Lowell's life. She turns to see Rachel, her head resting on her arm as she stares at Quinn, the sheet so casually draped over her body that Quinn has to stop the urge to reach out and pull it away, knowing that if she did, she wouldn't leave.

"I really don't want to go." She's repeating herself and it still amazes her how being in Rachel's presence distills her wants into the most basic need. A need to be close to Rachel, to be able to touch her and to show her that she was special, unique and most definitely wanted.

"Just bring bagels and coffee and I'll forgive you." She knows there's nothing to forgive but Quinn wouldn't or couldn't see it that way so she relents as she says the words, knowing that Quinn would feel guilty regardless.

She accepts Quinn's kiss. "I'll see you in a few hours with breakfast."

#$#$#$#

The alarm blares a song so familiar that she almost thinks she needs to get on her elliptical before school starts. Only her eyes finally open and adjust to the bright sunlight filtering through the window. Rachel recognizes Quinn's bedroom about the same time she realizes that Quinn's still not back.

There are a dozen reasons or more why Quinn hasn't come back. Rachel knows she could have been pulled into an emergency surgery or got so caught up with doing rounds. However, Quinn had always managed to get word to her either though Julie, her scrub nurse or a quick text. But her phone had stayed silent as she again checked for messages and even ensuring that the battery was still half full. Her sixth sense is going into overdrive though a she calls Quinn's cell only to have it go straight to voicemail.

Rachel does not think twice as she raids Quinn's closet, putting on the faded crimson college sweatshirt that still smells of Quinn as she pulls on her jeans. She does not bother to comb her air, instead pulling it into a pony tail using one of Quinn's hair ties.

The drive to the hospital is relatively uneventful and surprisingly enough, the imposing sight of the hospital does not fill her with dread. Rachel knows that it should, the sense memory of pain and fear from her disease forever tied to the hospital. However, she also has realized that Quinn had found solace in the place, it had been a home of sorts to Quinn and it was also where she had first witnessed a different side to the doctor.

She had see Quinn at her most vulnerable and she knew that it was also where Quinn saw her as more than just a patient. She still feels so uneasy that she exits her car and stands before the automatic doors, not moving as the cold air washes over her skin, goosebumps forming along her arms as she tries not to shiver.

All she knows is that she needs to see Quinn as she steps into the fray, the metallic smell of blood and clean smell of antiseptic assaults her senses as she makes her way to the bank of elevators at the back of the ER. The beeps and noise of the machines are distracting but she does not waver, only finally distracted when she sees a flash of blonde down one of the corridors.

Rachel almost misses the lone figure sitting on the gurney, pushed to the side of the wall. Quinn's leaning back, her eyes closed, one hand holding a red stained towel to the side of her head while the other loosely holds a clipboard. It's as if time had slowed down. All Rachel could see was crimson blood against pale white skin.

"Quinn." She knows her voice is loud as it bounces off the whitewashed walls of the Emergency Room but she can't keep her emotions in check, knowing that Quinn was hurt, that she was bleeding even as she slept in her bed not more than an hour ago.

Her feet propel her forward as she tries to regain some form of equilibrium but all she sees is dark red blood and all she can register is that Quinn is hurt. Hazy hazel eyes meet hers and she does not blink finally reaching Quinn's side as she grasped her hand, her fingers delicately touching the side of Quinn's face.

This was definitely not how Quinn pictured the day going. She had been relatively happy having finally been able to diagnose Mrs. Lowell correctly. She had immediately prescribed diuretics and a new dietary plan that would at least improve her quality of life. It wasn't an easy diagnosis though and Quinn had spent the better part of two hours, counseling Mrs. Lowell, explaining that while there was no cure for her disease, Quinn would do her best to get her on one of the more promising clinical trials that was being run in Boston.

That was the main reason she had gone down to the ER. She had needed Alex's approval to continue to treat Mrs. Lowell even though she couldn't afford to pay the hospital. Quinn didn't mind donating her time but she still needed Alex to say yes.

The chaotic scene that greeted her was not unexpected although the level of violence was new. There were patients' strewn around the large room looking at the melee taking place in the middle. Alex and one of the senior residents along with three security personnel were trying to subdue four men hell-bent on hurting each other. One of the orderlies had already been knocked out, blood seeping from his temple.

Quinn knew she couldn't do much but the flash of the knife and Alex's sudden distraction at her entrance made her act. She rushed forward, pushing the man brandishing the knife only to be pushed down, her head hitting the side of a tray. She hears Alex call her name but all she sees are stars as her vision dims. Only to realize that she had blacked out for a few seconds and blood was dripping down her eyes.

In the end, it had taken two more security guards and the other two residents before the four men were finally stopped. Alex had insisted she get stitches and she really didn't want to go home to Rachel looking an extra from Carrie. So she spent the past hour equivocating on the gurney, wondering if Rachel was still sound asleep, hoping to see her but not wanting to disturb her.

The sound of Rachel's voice is welcoming but the worry and fear bleeding through is not. She's still a bit woozy as she meets Rachel's gaze, hoping that she's dreaming this and Rachel was not really there, panicked and scared. But she feels Rachel's fingers curl around her own as her fingertips trace the cut at the side of her head.

Quinn can't help the hiss of pain and regrets the sound as Rachel pulls back, tears in her eyes. "It's nothing serious. Head wounds bleed a lot." She can see her words are not providing comfort. "Trust me, it could have been wor." She stops, wishing that she was more coherent and had her filter on as she sees Rachel's eyes widen further, a tear already escaping her eye.

"Dr Fabray, I'm ready for you. Could you go to room three?" The tired but friendly voice of resident on duty cuts through the tension as Quinn slowly gets off the gurney, Rachel's presence solid and real as she walks to the room indicated, not once letting go of Rachel's hand. The bright fluorescent light in the room hurts her eyes but she does not let it deter her as she sits in the chair next to the tray.

"Are you finish with the form?" It's a simple question regarding a bureaucratic procedure that Quinn herself had asked a hundred times. Only she knows this is different as she stares at the clipboard in her hand, the name she had written under Emergency contact, clear on the page but not so in her mind. It's something she had written automatically, only realizing that she may have been presumptuous after the fact.

The only thing that stopped Rachel from talking a mile a minute and demanding more medical attention than the hospital could provide was the fact that she was holding on to Quinn's hand and that she was hurt but still walking and talking. She hears the doctor's question and sees Quinn stare at the clipboard in her hand. She follows her gaze, finally recognizing the name written in Quinn's beautiful script, near the bottom of the form.

' _Rachel Barbra Berry_ _*_ _'_

The small star at the end of her name finally bringing a smile to her lips. It's then that everythnig coalesces in her mind as she finally understands that Quinn's guarded reaction wasn't because she didn't want her there but because she wasn't sure if Rachel wanted to be there. "Normally, I only use gold stars because they're a metaphor and metaphors are important." Her voice is clear as she looks directly at Quinn.

Rachel takes the form from Quinn's hand and gives it to the Resident. "Not that I ever want there to be a next time but at least now they know who to call."

It's all she needs to say as Quinn stares at her unflinching even as the needle pierces her skin. They had come together again in accordance, reaching a foregone conclusion, opening more of themselves to each other.

Trials and tribulations would come, it was inevitable but they had chosen a path together, needing each other in their lives, understanding that they were better together than apart.

**The End…for now**


End file.
